WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[PsySara]

Hi Blu,
Thank you so much for giving such a well thought out and candid response. My WH works in another state and comes home every few weeks to spend a week here. The OW used to work at WH's workplace but quit when I exposed the affair to her parents. The irony is they resumed their R the following month and then it died a natural death within 4 weeks. Since then WH has been pining away for her, even mentioned wanting to talk to her and demand an answer for "breaking trust" with him and not warning him before cutting him off. (I know, I know, the irony, right?) But she blocked him and he doesn't even know where she moved after relocating.

I did go very dim/dark early on in DBing (unbeknownst to me the affair had resumed) and WH used this as an excuse later to justify jumping back in the affair. Verbally my WH has said he wants to piece but the actions are still that of someone in the fog. Are they in contact? My gut says no but then they did buy a secret cell phone during the April affair so who knows. HE attended 1 IC session and the counselor recommended against MCing at this time. Later she told me he still does not appear motivated to come back to the M and is still grieving the loss of the OW. I think I just answered my own question, he can't piece if his head (and heart) are not in the marriage. I have access to his phone, email, Friend Finder app but it could all be for nought since I had this access while he was in the April affair. Until he moves home I am in limbo, I can't trust him and verify his words. Initially he was to move to my place in April, it got delayed to October...a few days ago he said maybe not until December. But his email reflects that he may be able to move home in about 7 weeks. For now I am sitting back and waiting to see what he DOES instead of listening to his words. And you're right, we are not piecing and I am back to DBing.