Hello. I have read some of your threads and posts as well. You are without a doubt very bright, strong, and have excellent insight into your sitch and others. I admire you, sister.
Your sitch is different in that your H is back but is still grieving loss of OW correct? Is there any chance he is still in contact with her? Is he willing to do whatever it takes to make the M work? Transparency? MC?
My H had an ea, we split, then he turned fully to R with OW for about 10 months and was a complete mess, even tried to leave her, but never fully came back, their R had to fizzle out and die a natural death.
Then he did a sharp 180 and was back. Since he has been back (16 months now), he has had no interest in her, talking about her, or even thinking about her. He regrets it and sees that he only turned to her to escape and not have to work on himself and the M. It sounds like your M is still far from that, correct?
So I do not know how I would cope with him still fantasizing about OW. It would disturb me and I would naturally exit conversation, pull back, and show him I don't stand for any of that BS. If it happened now, I would be done. Even this far into piecing I still have some reservations about him and the M. We have a stable M, but It takes time to reconnect and feel in love again!
Sorry, this is not very helpful I think. I just can't imagine the insult to injury these comments must cause you! If H said that in the beginning I think I would go back to DB, tell him to let me know when he feels differently, then go very dim or even dark. How would that work in your sitch? Has he ever truly experienced the loss of you and the family?
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
