Albac broken but pushing forward

[albac]

Thanks CT,

Always appreciate your perspective on things. I am not blind to what is going on and what I need to do I just need to work on the execution and making a better version of me. I need to not fear being alone and not fear pushing her away.

I wouldn't say I backslided today but it did not go according to plan. I went to pick up my D and wanted to talk about some boundaries but she got me.

She was being really nice to me and doing as she normally does and talking flat out about herself, I didn't give much back tried to validate and stay neutral but but grumpy or mean. Standard things about how her life is a mess and hard? Go figure. I stayed longer then I should have and we again talked as if we were still married and nothing was wrong. I didn't get to lay out my terms and I think I have to do it by text or phone as in a normal happy conversation I just couldn't do t but I can feel myself getting closer.

One thing though she invited me over for dinner at her house tomorrow and i just said no but thanks for asking. I see that as a step in the right direction and I will continue my NC unless it's about our D. To be honest it has only been about 1 week since I started pulling right back so it will take me some time but after I drop D back tomorrow I won't have to see or speak to her for at least 5 days and that will be close to the longest time. As I write this post she is sending me snapchats and they are obviously not my D because she is with me so I will ignore them.

I can see love in her eyes when we speak and I know she has feelings for me I can just feel it, I wish I didn't.