Albac broken but pushing forward

[CT1118]

Gump,

We are all here looking for whatever we can get to help us through what I believe is the worst time in most of our lives. I will be forever greatful for the advice and support I have received here from people I don't know, regardless of the outcome.

i truly believe that your feelings are correct I would rather lose my W forever then have her think of me as some kind of lost dog she can use as a best friend while seeing someone else. And I was stupid enough to basically allow that to happen up until now but it's time to take my life back and stop letting her use me.

I too feel totally gutted for my D knowing that she is so young and doesn't understand it now but will live her whole life without a normal family environment and to be honest it hurts me so much I have to block the feeling out as it just causes so much pain.

But one thing I know and it is undeniable I have and always will put my D first and give her everything I possibly can in this life and that is something to be proud of. I am sure you are the same man Gump, we would do anything to protect or kids.

Take care, stay strong

Amen!

Exception to one thing albac. You do not control your WW, you cannot understand her actions, you only control you; so in terms of the "normal family environment"...a father understanding that he must love and respect himself first before he is suitable to lead any other person through love will be the most noble, brave, and caring thing you could possibly give your D. What will become a normal family environment for her will be your strength, love, and life by example that she will always come to trust and rely upon. That's they way I am choosing to view my life with my son. This is what you already know is true.

PS, from above - don't tell your WW you find something is impossible for you. You're already confronting the impossible with the war inside you and you are slowly winning, so fk impossible. Sandi's letter was more succinct. And Sandi is correct, I took her advice a few weeks ago and have not done anything w/ WW and S4 as a "family" since I had my say. My family now is me, my S4, and this little black dog at my feet. I only see the WW when exchanging S4, I never make 1st contact, and I only reply over S4 issues w/exception of the few times I have mentioned and then I'm offering very little in return. Even desire for that feels to be fading. You get there man, you will feel better. You are strong.