Gump - a piece of advice here. Educate yourself! Learn about the rules in your region and know what your rights and expectations are. There is also a process called "Collaborative Law" that is in a lot of places. It allows couples to negotiate terms in a respectful non-court (and generally cheaper) environment. Opinions differ on it but if my W ever starts the separation / D process we will probably use it. And remember that just because the law has set out certain guidelines, from everything I've read and everyone I've talked to who has gone through a D that all hits the fan during the actual negotiations and settlement. From what I've been told as well even though the law officially takes no notice of it, the conduct of the parties is taken into account especially around custody arrangements so keep your cool and be respectful and "the better man".
Know in advance what you want in an ideal settlement and do not allow yourself to be railroaded into whatever dream world your W has.
When my W pulled out her pamphlets and started talking about separation she was shocked when I pulled out the D papers with grounds of infidelity filled out. Even though she knew that I had been to see a L she seemed surprised that I was this prepared and that I was prepared to not dance around "being nice" and letting her drive the bus. The fact that her infidelity would become a matter of public record as well horrified her. I on the other hand was shocked by how little preparation and research "she" had done. It seems that the two L appointments she previously said she had weren't with an actual "real" L. She went and had a "real" L appointment a week and a half ago and I have no idea what the outcome of that is / might be other than that neither I nor my L have heard anything.
Now - my motivations may be different than yours. More than anything I want to save my M and have my W come back to me. But I also want her to be happy and if cutting her loose makes her happy then I will do that. I do however have a clear idea of what I want to be left with if she goes. This is also part of my 180 / LRT on this matter. In the past I always gave in to whatever W wanted and I also want her to know that I am willing to go through a D and that it would final and that she will need to be the one to pull that trigger on the gun that is loaded with my ammo and not cake.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
