Not too much to report. My temporary job is going great, I'm really enjoying it. It's absolutely fantastic for my CV as well. I'm half way through my contract.
The only downside is, that I'm finding it a little stressful (for a few different reasons), and it's starting to affect my health a little. I'm keeping an eye on that.
One morning when I was in, working away, I got a text totally out of the blue from my H/STBXH. I felt my heart pound a little when I saw he had texted, but I knew straight away that it was from anxiety and stress, more than anything else (certainly not hope). I think I was anxious at the thought of him throwing a lot of **** in my direction, and attacking me.
Anyway, his text was totally out of the blue. He was asking for something from my house. It was quite a lengthy text and the whole feel of it was quite chatty. He started by saying that it had been good to see me at the work event we'd both been at (first time he'd seen me since October) and that he was sure we'd speak at some point.
Then asked for what he needed, along with a lengthy explanation as to why. And suggesting his mum come round some time for it. Ended with a 'hope you're well' type thing in colloquial Scots.
Just after he texted, I got completely engrossed in the work I was doing and forgot to answer for a few days. As well as my full time temporary contract, I'm still working on my zero hours jobs and running my business...my head is really, really full. I reckon I'm probably working about 60-70 hours a week at the moment. I've also got central heating engineers coming at the end of the month, so I'm busy sorting my house at the moment.
Anyway, it wasn't until a few days after that I remembered to text back. I kept it very short and a bit offhand. He texted back, and then texted again a few days after saying the same thing, and ended again with a 'hope you're well' in Scots.
I felt absolutely nothing at that point...total indifference.
I can still feel the pain of my lost dreams and hopes, but they don't feel tied to him any more. It's more my own lost dreams and hopes that I feel like I'm mourning now.
I don't know if this is progress, or what. I think I've given up on trying to see progress in myself. I'm more just living day to day at the moment, and when I feel down or stressed during that day, doing something to try and sort it that moment/that day.
House progress:
* Been through my underwear and thrown away things that are old/don't fit any more. Bought myself some nice new underwear that fits. A good time to buy at the moment, as a lot of sales are 70% off now.
* Been through my shoes, and donating lots of almost new that I never wear to the charity shop. Sorted the rest into categories (yes, I have a lot of shoes ;))
* Been through my small top cupboards/wardrobes and sorted the clothes there into categories: one cupboard for suits (which is almost empty as I never really wear them, or have any use for them); one for going out clothes (sequinned tops, Chinese satin jackets etc); one for holiday clothes; one for black clothes for my zero hours job (I wear these a lot).
*Been through two out of three of my hanging cupboards below and got a pile of clothes for the charity shop. Sorted the remainder into colours and categories. Bought some new slimline hangers for everything.
So, what's left to sort?
* Last hanging cupboard
* Shelves at the top of each hanging cupboard
* Big cupboard off the living room. This has *tons* of stuff in it: clothes, house stuff, other various
* Chest of drawers in bedroom (already sorted one drawer and turned it into stationery)
* Suitcase under bed (tbh, I can leave this until well after everything else)
* Books (I can maybe donate a few of these, but I can leave this until well after everything else)
* Finish painting woodwork round house
* Paint all rooms
* Design and build bathroom cabinets
* Paint exterior woodwork (my stepdad has offered to do this for me)
I reckon this is going to keep me busy for a good few months at least, maybe even the best part of a year. I'm doing the decluttering very mindfully, so it's all very slow.
