My wife walked out 4

[CT1118]

Haha you're crazy! It took me a long time to get here, and a LOT of encouragement from the fam here. Also, I've learned how little I like who I was during the first 6mos of this year and how I was a doormat. I'm trying not to be ugly, but I know standing up for myself is paramount. And I know exactly what Sandi means when she talks about tough love.

That is so true and I know it did and I know it was hard. I really think your approach is a good model for the newer DB'ers to follow. I know I took a lot of inspiration from your defense of boundaries.
What you say above though is so crucial for newcomers (or currents)to understand...one must realize themselves for themselves - not in context of M, not in context of being a better H or W, but in and only in the context of themselves. Until one does that, there will be no change; not a lasting one anyway.

I like this one: "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - N. Mandela

[RSG]

Thanks. I find similar quotes out there that help me, from John Wayne and Clint Eastwood ha. Also, there are definitely two parts to it. What are your boundaries and what are the consequences for crossing them. Not always easy to do both.

Not much to report today. W was over texting this AM, I ignored for the most part but then she asked if a Bubble Guppies shirt for S upcoming bday would be good. I said yes, he'd really like that. Something we have done for all 3 bdays, which kind of makes me sad as we used to sit and choose them together. She also wants to talk about his bday tomorrow when she drops him off. FF to the PM, I'm coming back from going #1 and my work phone takes 1 last ring and hangs up. 15 minutes later I get a text "If I call it's about S." I don't like that tone, and tell her I was away from my desk and I really don't appreciate being spoken to that way.

She has no idea but responds "I'm unsure where this cool, cold, distant demeanor is coming from but I'm doing my best to be ok for S." Hmm. Fishing a little me thinks.
She mentions she has his school lessons and will bring tomorrow so we can work on them. Before she sent that I said "It feels like you're talking down to me." She doesn't respond to it, but it really feels to me like she still has the attitude of if I'm calling you it's important because I'm important (but if you call me, I can treat you however I want).

Proceeding, we end up talking about how he might be sick and get into that. That's a bit more legit, although it just sounds like it MAY be a cold. Again, if D, that's just something you handle and communicate about during a dropoff unless it turns into the flu.

Oh these weird moments!!

[mvgfwd2]

yes, never answer right away. Get her off the idea that your world revolves around her. If it's important she will send a text or leave a message and you can decide how important it is to respond right away.

[RSG]

yes, never answer right away. Get her off the idea that your world revolves around her. If it's important she will send a text or leave a message and you can decide how important it is to respond right away.

Exactly. That's exactly where I am.

Well, she just dropped S off. An hour later than she agreed to, but I didn't ask why. As the little guy came to me and gave me a big hug, she asked him for a kiss and I love you as I held him. I put him down, he opens the door and the dog runs out. I grab his supplies, and as I'm walking inside she asks "Do I need to stay?" and I just say No I've got it. She storms off in a hissy and gives me the finger.

What she did to her hair is so unattractive lol.

Anyway, this snotty behavior is getting really old. I haven't raised my voice, called names, gotten angry or anything. I think it may be an effect of enforcing my boundaries, seeing S being so excited to come home or decreased communication, but who knows.

[CT1118]

What she did to her hair is so unattractive lol.

Anyway, this snotty behavior is getting really old. I haven't raised my voice, called names, gotten angry or anything. I think it may be an effect of enforcing my boundaries, seeing S being so excited to come home or decreased communication, but who knows.

Hair comment - Ha! Keep the high road RSG. You are correct I believe. Your boundary enforcement is great. Confusing and frustrating her and it could be all of those plus her own jealousy about how well you are holding yourself together.

[RSG]

I believe you are correct. If I may speculate a little, a few tears may have been shed later on but it would never happen in front of me so I'd never know anyway.

I remember reading a thread from Cadet in which he said that it would take around 9 mos of DBing for a WW to have regrets and reach out.....and for the first time I'm feeling like I could do it. I'm getting to a better place each day, I've just got to keep on this path and see what happens.

No expectations. And mucho patience....

[CT1118]

I believe you are correct. If I may speculate a little, a few tears may have been shed later on but it would never happen in front of me so I'd never know anyway.

I remember reading a thread from Cadet in which he said that it would take around 9 mos of DBing for a WW to have regrets and reach out.....and for the first time I'm feeling like I could do it. I'm getting to a better place each day, I've just got to keep on this path and see what happens.

No expectations. And mucho patience....

I did not read that Cadet thread, or the 9 month thing slipped past me. I seem to recall Wonka somewhere saying give it 1 year (hope I am not misquoting). I like your style man. I am right beside you - feeling better each day, having more confidence and feeling like I can do this. Like you said - keep on the path and see what happens. Role models for our children no matter what WW's do.

I'm out, awesome day w/ my son. He fell asleep in less than 5 minutes so I did my job right. Little bit of Olympics for me and then bed. Have a good Monday dude.

[RSG]

Glad you had a good day. I did too, although S had a hard time getting to bed and since I was tired, the room was a little warm, and starving it stressed me out. He then woke up really early this AM to go #2. SLEEPY!!

Well, lots of texts this AM. She's bringing S home from school around 5. Was going to do it at a CVS nearby because I'm not comfortable w/her in the house. 2nd time she's mentioned how I feel about that, but I said it's probably best for both S and I if you just drop him at home. I also told her I wasn't comfortable because she had previously gone through cabinets, drawers, etc looking for stuff. She said fine, and wasn't happy about it.

I didn't respond to her texts right away, and she said "please respond" "everything ok?" "are you getting this?" "I don't understand why you're acting this way, I'm trying to get (be?) civil but you've been difficult to deal with"
I was working, using the bathroom. She gave me like 5 minutes to respond lol.

I have a feeling there may be an argument this afternoon. I think I'm seeing a confused and scared woman who knows she's losing control, and may even think she's losing ME. She's been getting angrier, while I have tried my best to keep cool. I have taken what cbtdad said to heart. Anger is GOOD, it means they care! It also helps me to keep calm, knowing MY anger would show that I'm still clinging or begging like I was months ago.

She continues to get on her high horse saying how nice/civil/accommodating she's being. I hate that, and find it very ballsy, but have stopped reacting to it.

I didn't think it would be this hard to gain respect back, but I guess being a doormat for 5 or so months is hard to come back from quickly. The more I stand up for myself, enforce boundaries, keep my composure and act "as if" the more respect I'll gain. I'm very proud of how I've calmed down and stopped acting in anger, but I know this woman. She is VERY strong willed and HATES losing control. This is actually one reason she's such a good preschool teacher lol.

I'll update later tonight with what happens. I doubt it'll be a clean/boring dropoff though....

[mvgfwd2]

Yes, ignore the comments about how nice/civil/accommodating she thinks she is. It's just a way to get you back under her thumb and compliant. Same with the anger. She wants to beat you back into submission. Let it all roll off. Shower off later if anything gets on you. The anger is a sign what you are doing is working.

[RSG]

Thanks man. I need those kind of affirmations every once in a while!

She just dropped him off. Surprisingly, short and sweet. Looked in the mailbox, rather than ask me, if the check being sent from her job arrived. Not here yet. Agreed to have him home around 5. Came 40 minutes late. Saturday was supposed to be around 4:30 and he arrived around 6. That's getting on my nerves. Should I address this or just monitor?

Just asked me if I signed up for the little thing at preschool that tells you what each kid did for the day. I haven't, but I keep meaning to. That was it. She stuck her head in to say bye and I love you to S, and left. I had the $25 for her from buying a gift card for his teacher, but she left before I had a chance to give it to her.

Nothing to speak of really in terms of communication. I was holding him when she said bye to him, and just told him Tell Mommy Bye! and he kind of acknowledged her. He actually said goodbye after she walked out the door lol