Detaching.....nearly there..

[Surfer]

Been thinking about GAL with members of opposite sex but I don't think that's sensible. An ex colleague - contacted me and sparked the thought. I have needs too and 6 years of no intimacy is at times very difficult. Not even a cuddle or a touch of the hand for years - I just feel very alone sometimes. However, I just don't think its the right thing to do - to pursue the opposite sex. I am married after all and even platonic discussions can become an EA or more. It's also not fair to the other person. I also owe it to the kids, myself and my W to do my best to fight for this relationship even if that's through detaching or acting if where I don't feel detached. I won't be in touch the my ex colleague again.

I need to avoid the bar scene too. Most of my GAL involves catching up with friends and that usually involves drinking. I have been doing far too much drinking recently. It's not good. It makes me depressed and anxious about my MR. I have found it hard to get out of bed until the afternoon due to feeling so down.

I am really missing my W and kids - they are on holiday. I havn't contacted them as I am trying to give some space. She got the kids to phone me when they arrived and I got a text from D8 on Friday.

How does contacting the kids work - I don't want to detach from them. But I don't want to upset them - they often say they miss me etc. I also don't want my W thinking I am contracting them to speak to her.

I sometimes feel like I am in a nightmare I can't wake up from.

I have not been eating properly recently also.

I need to drop this self pity and get going with something. Sorry. I can sometimes feel really quite happy and detached. Then this.....the never ending nightmare returns.

My wife use to talk about wanting to run away and to just curl up in a ball. I guess she was feeling like this.