Yes, I will def read your thread and post there :-)
I honestly did not cope very well. My H practically destroyed me because I LET him. I was a mess for a long time; anxious, depressed, and sickly. That is WHY I am here. I see now that I did not DB and how I stalled his ability to come back. More importantly than that, I did not take care of myself (love, value, and respect myself) like I deserved.
What helped me cope (when I did cope) were slowing down my mind, allowing myself to live one day at a time (sometimes one hour), not making decisions or reacting on emotions, then letting myself feel good when I didn't, pulling on every source of support that I could, weekly therapy, ADs, and reading these threads frequently. I am lucky to have wonderful family and friends.
I also reminded myself that life is long, people are more resilient than they know, and that things would be okay eventually. I knew somewhere inside that it was true. Accepting the grief is good. Feel the emotions and then let them pass. It's okay to mourn and grieve. And it's also okay to give yourself permission to enjoy things and have good days. You deserve that.
What I wish I could have also done differently and what I tell people here is to LET THEM GO. It's so simple it's hard to understand. When a person hurts us and rejects us, we cannot be nice, be friendly, and hope they will love us again. We can and should tell ourselves that we are worthy of more, we deserve better, and go dark. They do not deserve our attention, to see us weak, or to know our thoughts and feelings.
It wasnt until I let go of H and started to see a life without him that he realized what he was losing. It took me 10 months to hold my head up, let him go, and show the world I deserve better than this fool! No one wants a needy, sad, or weak person. No one wants someone angry or raging at them. No one is attracted to someone waiting for them as they are actively rejecting them. Again, so simple it's hard to understand.
Hold your head up high. Go dark. Let him go. And you take that time to take care of number one. You are number one. If sees over time that you are a beautiful and strong woman that is too good for him, then he can maybe prove to you that he deserves another chance. Maybe.
You can do this!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
