Albac broken but pushing forward

[albac]

I like that Gump,

I think they are both a good starting point and neither of them are bad. The hardest part for me and I'd like to know how you feel about it Gump, but all these things just feel so intense and I can't help but feel I am slamming the door shut on the M I know that is NOT the case but no matter how many times I tell myself in my head it has to be this way for her to wake up to what is going on I just feel fear.

I will see how I go tomorrow when I pick up D I know I am definitely getting less attached and more in tune with the reality they we more then likely will never be together again and I am slowly dealing with that. I have occasional visions of me later in life happy with someone else and it helps me calm down.

Lately I am honestly struggling to decipher weather I truly love my W or just have a fear of being alone. Some books I have read lately talk about a confusion between being addicted to having a partner and true love and I guess it has me thinking a lot. Because honestly how can you love someone who has done these things to us? I don't know I am rambling but my head is fairly scattered right now.i almost wish she would just go NC so I don't have a choice in the matter.

Thanks again Sandi and Gump you have both been a great help. Stay strong