Struggling

[Imlucky]

time for an update a bit of journaling

after a bit over a month of seeing each other she called it quits again, she stayed on a Friday night was acting strange on the Saturday morning saying she loved me but didn't know if it was enough, then on sunday she was back on dating sites.
its taken a week to stop getting upset, she said all the right things about loving me, needing to get help to make things better and changes together.

she told me she didn't know about us and is confused. she also told me that online dating makes here feel good about herself. that she loves me but isn't sure she is in love with me, she wants butterflies and excitement.
I have done a lot of reading, journaling and coaching face to face and I realise we may love each other but we are on different pages. I think ive learnt and identified things I need to work on and she has commented on changes shes seen in my behaviour and communication

I don't want a divorce I filed yesterday as I feel I need to close that chapter, she is quite clearly angry at me about getting married and blames me that I didn't just remain as a couple ( boyfriend/girlfriend ).

I have learnt long term relationships are built on love ,commitment ,forgiveness and working on things together.that a partner doesn't make you happy that comes from within. that blaming others is a way to deflect from looking internally and discovering your own flaws and faults

I told her the door is closed for now so I can keep coaching and working on me. that I do love her and feel that there is a connection and chemistry and if she decides we can work to look me up. I wont be waiting I will be doing stuff and getting out and about. Ive joined my local lions club and been getting involved with that.

Ive read here before that divorce may not be the end and that could be true. I think that chapter needs to be closed before a new one can begin. if she did decide we had something then it would be a new beginning with out the pressure of marriage.

I know I haven't had many replies to my thread I have been reading many other stories. there are a lot of people who are learning growing and finding out what it is the want and need

some of the biggest lessons I take away is not to beg or plead someone to stay, it wont work and will push them away. go out work on yourself and learn.the other is lesson I take away is not to argue,just listen try not to fix everything sometimes its not even about you.

cheers
brad