I would not recommend a DB coach to your h. Why? Because this site and the coaches are here to help you and you do not want him to come to this site and start trying to find you and what you've posted. He needs to be working w/someone face to face and for now...someone that he can talk to. I would look for a solution based therapist. If he goes to counseling and it appears to be helping him, then...later on...the both of you could attend, but I recommend one on one first and see if he even goes and talks to the therapist. I would also recommend that you attend counseling/therapy (one your own, if you aren't already). You need to be working w/someone so that you can better understand why you are allowing this man to treat you the way that the does and how to get your self respect back and communicate w/him.
Talking to him doesn't appear to be helping very much. Actions speak louder than words and maybe actions are what he understands. He could very well be "tone" deaf to your conversations and tends to tune you out.
Just my two cents.
No one can predict which marriages can and will be saved. Generally, once the bomb drops, the MLCer and/or WS either don't go to counseling/therapy or they go just to please us and only pick out things here and there to justify their behavior. DB is not just about trying to save marriages...it's also a way to help you learn how to react and interact w/people (not just your spouse). It's a very good tool that anyone can use in their day to day life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
