Ciluzen thank you for popping by my thread, I real appreciate it.
I hope you don't mind if I reply to your post here, it feels easier to combine that with what I've been reading on your thread.
Originally Posted By: ciluzen
Esame,
Its amazing what kids will pick up on and enlighten us with. Although my youngest is no longer a "kid" at 24, she opened my eyes to a somewhat similar thing with pursuing and distancing (that chapter scared me, too!). I spoke to her of my confusion after my financial meeting with H, when he told me I should not try so hard not to call him (as he was leaving). She basically told me that he seems to not like it when he sees that I'm actually doing ok and has a need to "suck me back in" by throwing me some tidbit to show he's still in the game, just to keep his feeling of control. In my case, after hearing that, it has helped me to detach. I'm still sad, but it made me realize that I am and have been being manipulated for quite a while...for whatever reason. Both of my daughters are still in contact with their dad (they should be) but have made me realize that I was in my own fog, just as you mentioned, and they are all for me to move on for now. They probably see more than I do, as he isn't trying to manipulate them (at least, not the way he does with me). Its a tough process for a family to go through...no matter what the age.
I'm still surprised at how different my husband is, and it sounds like you have gone through a similar experience. What you describe regarding him not being so manipulative the past must be a combination of him being different as he doesn't think he needs to be nice to you any longer and you seeing his true colours. Of course your daughter could see more, like you said he is not trying to manipulate them in the same way, and they are more observant than we are.
It is a shame that the men we spent years trying to make happy one day wake up with a personality transplant, but I can only look for the positives otherwise I will go crazy.
I don't know why that chapter is so scary, maybe due to the raw honesty? I don't know. It affected my thinking though, in many ways. Take care x
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
