Oh, yeah, he most certainly could and most likely did put that lunch on the calendar so that you would see it and then have a jealous meltdown over it. I hate to say this...he's not going anywhere because he's sitting right where he is and his main objective is to have you jump thru hoops.
He continues to talk about splitting up because he wants you to pretzel yourself, jump thru hoops for him and guess what...no matter what you do or say, it will never be enough for him.
Chippie, does your h ever speak highly of you to others? Does he ever speak in a positive way to you? I may be wrong, but I'm getting that he enjoys beating you down w/negativity. That's not good for your self esteem.
And...this is the husband that you want to purchse a home with at this time? I don't see where your situation is getting any better for you. I do hope that you are finding outlets to release your frustrations on. I do hope that things work out for you, but it's going to be a long time coming if the both of you aren't in therapy and trying to understand how you got to where you are today.
Please take are of yourself. I'm very concerned about your well being and safety.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
