10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[DonH]

Vanilla, clearly not knowing what I may want is contributing to not really going anywhere. Makes total sense. However, the "scary stuff" is the fact that I may not know what I want - that's scaring me more than anything.

It's been an interesting week. I've spent way too much time reading through the many threads here. Really has taken me back and not in a good way. There is just so much hurt so much of this BS. It just goes on and on and on. How did we (I) and the world get here?

As for me, the simple answer is I want to be happy. Well, duh, who doesn't? Second in line, I don't want to work this hard to be happy. Maybe I was just lucky for most of my life???? It really was never this much work. I just LIVED. That was it - LIVED LIFE. Even when I look way back before I had any clue what DBing was - I did it. I was an incredible DB'r just by some natural means. If someone I was interested in did the things WAW or other did I went on with my life, didn't even think about it and things worked out - often like I'd had hoped. It's only later that after learning all of this that I looked back and could see, "Oh yeah, I did that, that's why whatever happened happened." It's like it was explained.

These days it just seems so much harder. One of the things I think that may be driving it is in my 20s, 30s even some of my 40s I really didn't worry about the future. I had more than half my life to go - well more than. That's not the case anymore. I think that's what is scaring me the most. If that was not the case I don't think I'd care near as much. I just don't want to get to the end not having that kind of love again and it sure looks like that's where I'm headed.

Just trying to get more thoughts out. Hope that's the case.