I think what you are emotionally experiencing is common for the betrayed spouse. The anger, the triggers, replaying images in your brain, the fear of it happening again, etc. IMHO, I believe the betrayed H goes through a period where he is vulnerable to being a WAH, due to him not having the ability to get past this boulder in the road to healing.

Have you read threads posted in the Piecing section?

You need to attend IC, to help you deal with the devastating affects the A has had on you personally.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!