One question I do have. Is my IC suggested that I come up with what my "needs" are for reconciling. So I know if W comes to me and says she wants to work on it to not be eager and to basically say something like "I want to believe you but it's not that simple" and only give her my conditions if she asks what it will take. Etc etc. so I agree with my IC that I need to have at least some idea of what my conditions are before this could come up. So some conditions I'm thinking are most of the ones that vets on here suggest like 1. Full transparency 2. Writing the letter to OW 3. MC Etc
But one I'm wondering is since W has initiated the D should one of my conditions be that she stop D proceedings? I don't want to be "controlling" but I feel like how committed can she be to working on us if she's not willing to stop the D?
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
as a fellow newb, I have not and refuse to think about my "conditions" or "needs". To me thinking of that makes me feel too optimistic. Though I do think its necessary, I think I'd personally wait until W decides to jump on that R train.
and honestly, why would stopping the D be a need, if W is ready for R then she'd stop it willingly. therefore, not your need but hers.
I agree. I'm not doing it as something to be "optimistic" I'm doing it so if it ever were to happen I wouldn't be blindly fumbling around to figure out my conditions while trying to deal with the emotions of the situation. I feel like knowing I have a "plan" so to say would be something for me to feel more in control of myself and my reaction. It doesn't really have anything to do with optimism.
I'm just somebody who likes to have at least some sort of idea of what I would do in ANY situation. It helps me feel less anxiety and helps me remain calm and rational in the face of emotional situations.
If that makes sense
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
I don't really have much to report, just feeling super down tonight. Was invited out by friends again and I think I'm going to go even though I just want to lay in bed... I don't know exactly what is making me feel so down right now.
Probably a combination of being on this vacation alone. Just generally missing my W. And the conversation W had with my friend yesterday. I'm really not trying to dwell on it. It just keeps popping back into my head. I know I won't even know what it means and it could very well be just a blip that really wasn't anything. It just keeps coming back up.
IDK, I feel like today is just a bad day and I can't get a grip...
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
I hear you. Had a melt down at work. Sitting outside this place to go dancing and I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I know the W has been on a few dates. Somethings wrong with that picture. Go have fun with your friends, if only for some hours!
It's rough, we are going to have good days and bad days. Don't let them consume you though, feel them, live the sad moment but let's get ourselves back up and put on a smile and carry on.
Nothing new to report really went out, it was fine I guess.I mean it was fun when I was out but like cheesyt said I somehow feel bad about it or like I'm doing something wrong, which is absolutely ridiculous. My W is having an A...and all I did was go out and drink and dance and have a good time....
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Just a random update: I just got back to the house after vacation, wanted to get the lawn mowed but the lawn mower is not cooperating and I did not have the patience to deal with that today, so I'm thinking I'll try again tomorrow after work, If I can't get the POS to work then I'm just going to pay someone to do it for me. I love our house but yard work is the one thing I did not want to have to do and my W has always been the one to do it, she loved it. It's a necessary evil and I've been putting it off. With how hot and dry it's been here the lawn wasn't really growing until recently anyways but now it's starting to look bad.
Overall, I did have fun this weekend but it was extremely hard. There were a million things that I wish my W had been there for and a million times I turned to tell her something only to remember she wasn't there but I tried to not to let it get me too down.
I'm not sure what this week will bring, going to continue my GAL activities and focusing on me.
Hope everyone else has a wonderful Sunday
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Hey Maybs....My W did all the lawn work and trimming, etc as well...along with taking care of the pool. I didn't mind mowing but she always liked to do it so I let her. At first it was a little overwhelming but now I kind of enjoy it and it gets me out and doing things...I also trimmed my palm tree which I thought I would never do....haha....
Glad you had a fun weekend, hang in there and keep focusing on you!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
