The Dance of Pursuit and Distance (new)

[ciluzen]

I read "The Solo Partner" right after my H left in October. I remember it being an eye opener, but I was so deep in depression and wanting him back at the time, I could not stop my pursuing behavior. I still was fighting (and at times failing) my pursuit even a few weeks ago, although I had convinced myself I was doing well. It took some very recent events for my fog to truly clear and see my H for what he is (at least, who I believe he has become) but also for me to truly see the extent of my own pursuing ways...even when I thought I wasn't. It may be too late for this R, as we have another mediation coming up and I believe that that's it. But I no longer initiate ANY contact. Not even if I have questions. It all will go through my L from now on, as I know I can't trust myself to not fall for his manipulation. It IS a very painful process.