1. I'm not ready to leave. 2. I'm holding on to the hope that the good stuff will overtake the bad and things will tip again. 3. I think he starts to believe his schtick, he looks for "facts" or distorts reality to support his feelings. The other night he said I wasn't loving the way I used to be. Why would I be loving? I'm not a masochist. And I still am. I know the truth, the spell is broken to that degree but not broken to the degree that I think I should leave. 4. Because I'm slightly submissive he sees what can get away with. But I'm never able to use the submissiveness to remain calm - I lose my temper. So I continue to set boundaries. When he said he wanted an unconventional relationship - I said what do you mean? He said make some suggestions. I said, why would I? I want a conventional marriage. There's a universe of unconventional. Ask for what you want in a clear, positive and concise way. I keep saying that. I keep saying I'm not a mind reader and I can't begin to do anything you want without knowing what it is so if YOU want something YOU can ask in a POSITiVE way but you need to STOP your negative texts, it's NOT OK. Then I stormed off and he then said OK I'll go to counseling with you if you want. And let me explain medical stuff to you calmly. And then he wanted to watch our show together. So it's a reprieve from the bullshit. I'm trying to remain focused on me and setting boundaries and not being afraid of his opinion.
That's the best i can do for now.
One thing is that I get jealous and saw there was a restaurant lunch on our calendar online that we can both see. He wouldn't put something inappropriate on that calendar right? And if he did and someone "steals" him away then I can just thank them.
