Thanks so much for the responses and feedback KML, Job, Mleigh, Sotto, Pinn and Clearte.
To reply back to some of the comments above...for a split second I did have to question h's sexuality. It was fleeting, but it happened because I was trying to make sense of all this! My family even asked me if I thought otherwise! But nope, he's straight. Job, interesting thing about your PI thinking your xh was a cross dresser.... Mine wore makeup for a bit during his very very very vain phase. I just didn't get it.
Mleigh- yea this young guy is an actor too. So yes, they do have that in common. H is a very social being and yet has the hardest time keeping friends. Truthfully, he fights with everyone and drops them. It has been a pattern since I've known him. I hate to say it... While he's very friendly and approachable- a good conversationist.... He's not a likable guy. I think people think he's annoying. I could never put my finger on it because I loved him. While in his anger phase, before he bd me, he was actively trying to drop his only 2 friends. Saying he wanted to cut them out of his life. Well, he decided to cut me out instead and got closer to them as a result. How special did/does that make me feel? I think he has more friends now due to his amazingly awesome single social life 🙄
Personally, I think I'm still going through the cycles of grief.. It feels like my emotions are now coming and going at much quicker intervals and I feel like it may be the last go round before its over. (If that makes sense)
The last three nights h has been in my dreams- the first night we reconciled, the next night, I met his gf, then last night we were together but never connected. It was like we wanted to hug and kiss, but it just didn't happen. ahhhh gotta love the power of the subconscious mind!
Today, I am good. Had happy hour with some brand new friends. It was a lot of fun and I'm happy to have new friends that aren't involved in my history or past life. Feels really good to just have fun!!!!
Tomorrow, I will see h to get the dog. Ugh- I hate seeing him every week. I used to love seeing him just for the chance to talk with him and Practice my DBing.... But I'm just not interested anymore. It's more of an inconvenience and nuisance. Boo.
That's it for now. Be well!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
