Keep Wearing Wedding Band?

[CT1118]

... yes, the flip is really weird. When she was trying to make W work, she was one person, and then as soon as she gave up and decided on a D ... a whole 'nother person. I was totally perplexed how a person can flip so quickly. But I think I understand. Once you make a decision (to divorce), you can stop making an effort to be a good spouse; and in fact you start making an effort to justify your decision to D, and, besides, it's probably a huge relief and feels good to finally let loose all the negative feelings you've had for someone all these years.

ForGump So, "the flip". I think there is some good news in this idea. The good news is, you get to have a flip too, and I have not read where you have yet, am I wrong? Flashback about three weeks before I did 2nd BD. Right when I arrived here actually the idea was in my head - its in my first or second post. The same day, I described to myself to my IC as "I can feel something approaching for me and I believe it will be soon. I feel like my hand is trembling over a light switch, but once my hand stops trembling it is going to move down and flip that switch. When I do flip that switch she will be the one in the dark." So I did really see that coming and I did describe it that way, and my hand did flip that switch. You keep up w/ my posts, so you know I am still confused and sure I still have to GAL hard and feel some anger. You also know that I still love the WW, but I think you also see things moved to a different place, albeit still a confusing place. However, I am more laid back about everything and feeling more like myself - myself upgraded self that is. You get a flip man, you get to have one too. No one can force it upon you though, it's somewhere in there. Not claiming I am feeling great, but I do feel different more often then I used to.

Now two things Newbies should pay attention to if you follow FG's story...

1.

The problem with our W's is they are so focused on the goal and blinded to the fact the things that lead to them chasing that goal could be wrong but the decision is already made. It will take a lot of time and true loss to snap them back into a state of questioning the decision. And like so many people tell me, if she is getting everything she wants from me why would she ever change her mind.

albac nails his comments. The above is true. The above is very true. Read it, re-read it.

2.

Thanks for this insight. I needed it. Yep, I think her instinct is to always position me as the source of all her problems. It's the contempt that sandi2 talks about.

Read Sandi's posts - especially from the HW and probably beyond the HW. I got a 2x4(s) when I first got here for babbling away and not having read my HW. It helped me so much that I feel compelled to help spread the word when the opportunity presents.