The thing is are these lies or does your WH believe this stuff? I know if you read my threads you will see much of the same.sort of blaming, hating and ranting.
Real lies
So is that which is being said a knowing lie, in other words is xWH pinnocchio? Does his nose grow. If it does then it's deliberate and knowing designed to control.
1. Lies of omission: telling the truth but not the whole truth in a way designed to mislead. Such as I took the kids out today, unsaid and my mother babysat whilst I went drinking.
2. Not speaking up when asked a direct question or saying nothing much. What did you do today? Nothing much. Subtext I went gambling.
3. Making up facts that are not true. I bought my mother a new hat.
4. Embellishing the truth is a way that misleads. I fed the kids today meaning I bought sweets.
5. Insisting that a truth known to someone is a falsehood. My OW is in your head.
6. Gaslighting: an attempt to erode another's reality by denying their experience. I didn't go there, you are imagining it.
7. Acknowledging the truth but assigning motives that were never there to make yourself look betteR. You made me do it.
8. Keeping secrets for the wrong reasons. She is only a friend.
Unconscious Lies
Is lying to yourself.
1 Fantasy world- lives in fantasy land of his own choosing where he is wonderful, the world is wonderful, they are loved. And hey since you are truth darting then then you are threatening this cosy reality.
2. Believes feelings are facts. He is looking for a fact to fit his feeling. He feels angry therefore x must be true. Feelings aren't a great basis for judgement. Just because one feels sad, or angry or disgusted doesn't make what it is so. Infantile peeps operate from feelings to fact. If they feel an emotion then it is so. So moving from you are the greatest to you are the pits is allowing feelings to split behaviour.
3. No grey its all black and white. These types move from you are a goddess to you are a Harriden depending on how they feel. There is little grey area in between.
4. Find evidence that fits. They may lie and then come to believe the lie finding evidence that fits it, being validated by others. Even to the extent of viewing pictures or hearing recordings and not understanding what it means when called out in court. When real evidence shows something is a lie then it backfires because there is loss of face. This is why recordings and paperwork are so important. It's Intel to support facts. Lies are often to avoid the adverse effects, such as my wallet was stolen when really I went gambling.
5. All image that makes them happy. They maintain an image, such as I am a qualified lawyer when in actual fact I was an assistant to a court usher for 2 months.
6. They are infallible. So it is about me me me. Because really their message to themselves is 'I don't think I am good enough as I am with all my flaws.'
So why do they do it? Rant, blame and get angry?
It's because their image is all they have, there is nothing inside of them. And once you know and can not unknow, they can't bear it. They need to be and have the best. They can flash their new R on FB and not know they are being laughed at.
I used to say V don't trigger WH, if you validate are keen, walk on egg shells, subjugate, take it, work on you. Then it will be ok. And you know, it validated WH view of me and I came to believe it. The day I said I will not be abused, ranted at and lied to was the day I set boundaries. So the truth as I see it is, liars lie, waywards lie and sometimes they do it to themselves to keep their image.
So good for you my lovely one, you are starting to spell break.
There may be a shattering or a grand finale. A final storm, take great care, these are dangerous times. Once you let go then WH will be angrier than you have ever known.
I say this often, record, keep Intel and stay safe.
Healing is possible with a whole lot of hard work, but its a long way to self for empty vessels.
Just my thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
