Sandi, if you pop in, I have a quick question for you. During this convo, the first thing she did was cry. Then make a comment about getting home to my girlfriend before I'm in trouble. I replied with what is that supposed to mean? Was I supposed to be single forever waiting for you? At that point and quite a few times through the convo, she kept saying "nevermind, it's too late. You moved on. I have nobody to blame but myself". That is the one phrase from the whole thing that sticks with me. Is that her admitting defeat? Or trying to play guilt? Or maybe even just an honest phrase? It just seems to me that there's either a hidden meaning or more to that because of the way it kept being repeated...
Well, after reading this, I have to tell you that I'm not so sure she is remorseful and making some attempt to get you back. I will explain.
First, I want to point out to any of the men who read this post, about her tears. It is not a big problem for women to turn on the tears. Tears can even be used as a manipulative tool. Therefore, the show of tears do not necessarily mean what the man may translate them to be.
I do not know the tone your W used. I could take the description of what she said, and read it out loud with an angry tone..........and it changes everything.
The main thing that causes me to doubt your W's intentions, is b/c she threw into the conversation (more than once) snarly remarks about your girlfriend. And, she repeated that you've moved on. Those remarks was her trying to get you to tell her what she wanted to hear...........and, yes, to cause you guilty feelings.
When she heard you were going to date this woman, her jealousy surfaced. It is difficult for me to explain how a WW may not really want the LBH's wife......but she doesn't want another woman replacing her, either. When your W heard about your interest in this lady, she could have felt her position in your life, the home, and family.......was threatened (meaning, she could be truly losing you). So, she wanted assurance that she still had you wrapped around her finger, so to speak. In other words, this could have been a big emotional/relationship temperature check. If it was, then as soon as she feels she still has you, emotionally, she will pull away again.
I can view this conversation from the eyes of a WW........which isn't pretty. Based on your description, I can see her hoping you would jump in and tell her that you have not been able....nor will ever be able to move on without her. She wanted to hear you say that you would not date anyone and this other lady was history. When she continued saying she had no one to blame but herself, was her attemps to hook you into saying it wasn't all her fault.......and for you to comfort her. That is why she made those emotional, and rather immature, comments.
It is extremely common for the WW to test her H, to see where she stands with him. He really cannot afford to show his cards at the first sight of tears. He needs to hold them until he is satisfied she is sincere. If she had gone to you and told you how sorry she was and how wrong it was to hurt you........and ask you what it would take to reconcile the R.........then I could say it was a lot more promising.
I think you need to be very hesitant. Do not pursue your XF! If she wants to return, she needs to work her way back. One of my favorite sayings from Starsky, that seems to be a great answer to many things the wayward says is, "It's just not that simple anymore".
I doubt this is your only chance to get back your XF.......if she is sincere. And if she's not, then you need to keep moving on. Life is too short to marry someone who would treat you the way she has.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
