All newbies or anybody struggling please read

[Uphill]

I'll explain this a little deeper for you cherry. I had gotten to the point that it just felt so hopeless, that I had no choice but to forget about ever R'ing with XF. Only then did I actually do the work for me. I thought I had been the whole time but everything I did was still in a way looking over my shoulder. That had to stop and I had to do me. Only then did I feel alive again! And that is when everything came together for me. New girl came along and compliments me awesome. We get along great. That is when I REALLY took the focus off XF and it got her thinking.

If anybody would have asked me Tuesday how my life was going, I would have replied that it's going great. Now with this curveball, I feel like I have a front row seat on the rollercoaster again. The difference is, this time I'm the one driving it. XF wants to talk more Saturday at kid swap so I'm gonna be taking notes and hopefully gaining some clarity to which way I take in life.

I put all my cards on the table last night with my new girl. She has been great about all of it and said if I want her to, she will step into the shadows while I sort this out. It was far from an easy convo to have but it had to happen. I told her word for word everything I remembered from the convo with XF. That in itself has made me feel much better with myself and this mess.