New subject, the new GF. I am putting way too much of my brainpower into the D, issues with xW. When not doing that, I contemplate the R with the new GF.
We started texting in April, but very little. More in May. First time seeing each other in person was June 10th. First kiss, July 3rd. First time talking about getting married.... May! Yep, you read that right. Well, out of context of course. In April I said I didn't want to get M'd again. She didn't want to start a R with someone who didn't want to get M'd, so it came up in May. Of course I caved immediately, some pretty strong boundaries I have, LOL. She says she won't move in with me until we are M'd. I want her to move in, so I agreed. She's been ring shopping, sending me ideas. The reason I agreed, if we are going to live together anyway, I guess it's going to be pretty similar. If she is going to sell her house and dump the equity into mine, it is only fair that it is also legal. It's not official, but I have asked her what she will say when I ask her, and she has said that she will say yes.
So, everyone is going to ask why it is moving so fast. I am sure Lady V or SH or SadSara or Zephyr or someone will chime in shortly with a 2x4. GF's family is supportive of the decision, she is slowly releasing info to them. Her D17 and D19 are helping with picking out the rings. My family will be supportive, not sure about my mom yet.
My last M was quick also... xW and I were dating for a few months, but only spent a few days actually together before getting M'd. It didn't work out... or did it? I am pretty sure even with xW, if we hadn't gotten M'd right away, we would have eventually anyway.
There are 3 hold-ups with proceeding quickly with GF.
1. My kids. GF loves my kids. D9 loves GF. D9 loves GF's D17. S11, I'm not sure, so I'm testing things slowly and talking to him about his comfort level. He has felt safe sharing with me that he would rather GF not spend the night on 2 occasions, so I am concerned and being careful of his feelings. Otherwise he seems quite comfortable around GF.
2. xW. She is bitter, and it is going to get worse the more she hears about GF from the kids. I believe she is already trying to dig up dirt on GF, luckily she isn't going to find anything, at least nothing that is true. But I don't put it past xW to lie, xW has sure lied about me plenty of times lately. I also worry xW will start saying bad things about GF to the kids, that would make a mess of things! I told the kids that if anyone says anything to them negative about GF, to not believe it.
3. Me. I am second guessing the direction/speed like crazy the last few days, even though it feels so right when with GF. I think the only reason I am slowing things down is concern about what other people think. WHY? Should it matter what other people think? Or should I do what I think is best for me? Being with GF feels like what is best for me.
I wonder about some things about GF... guess I'll throw it out here for input. She is very sexual... ironic being she is a church-goer. Well, xW was very sexual also, but she wasn't trying to come across as a good girl. I wonder with both of them if they are/were trying to compensate for something. With xW, sex seemed like the one time where we connected 100%. I also think xW did things to please others, especially me (and believe me, I was pleased!). But xW also had her own ideas. GF, her ex was non-affectionate, and sex was how she received affection. And of course GF had ideas of her own. Both xW and GF seemed like a win-win for both of us. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I think I changed the game for both xW and GF: affection, love, attention on their needs and what makes them feel good, but slow to allow attention on the emotional connection the whole time... that is how I returned the favor. And it pays itself back many times over when I receive an email like the one I got this morning from GF:
"I love you babe! What I wanted to text you this morning is "Thank you". Thank you for being so gentle and slow with me when we're together. Being with you has healed something deep inside of me that I can't really explain. I just know that when I'm with you, I feel safe and whole. Like I'm exactly where I have always meant to be."
My only concern... xW came into the M damaged, possible past r@pe, promiscuous past, etc. Now GF sounds like she is using me to heal something about herself (having been cheated on repeatedly during her M??) Maybe healing isn't the correct word GF should have used... maybe it is "learning" that there is someone who loves her for her, and truly cares about her needs, and it is just a new experience. I like being the guy to give her that experience.
