Wow. It's great you got to a good place on your own. And is inspiring for me as someone who is just starting to go through this.
I wish I could help you out with your predicament but like cherry said it seems like you've gotta take some time and clear your head.

Cherry. I know the thought of your WH filing without thinking is scary. That's exactly what my WW/MLCer did. And as someone pointed out to me. Marriage/divorce is just reporting your relationship to the government. And doesn't necessarily mean the end.

Stay positive

W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16