thanks Forgump, it' most certainly just to see options / talk. who knows if I'll even go on any. I almost feel like a little kid, asking for help. Again, my main emotion is fear, all the time, so when the dr had her assistant call me and the girl said with "your normal doc and doc.2" I was like "who's that" i started to panic haha I don't know why. I always feel like I'll say the wrong thing to my IC or my doc and I'll end up in the looney bin. It's hard expressing feelings when anything can be taken out of context. I read someone's thread not long ago and I couldn't have said it better myself, they expressed how they aren't, and I am not either, suicidal but man, sometimes you just don't even want to be. something about being a black nothing. at any rate, I feel like I don't like this life, this isn't MY life, I'm living the life of someone else and I hate it. I'm definitely having a hard time everywhere in my life. Idk though, maybe I can GAL enough and get out of it, I just don't know.
For me my biggest struggle with my IC is we talk about past feelings. I wasn't getting the tools to live day to day with my situation, I'm still anxious, scared, on edge. Which is why I decided to call, It was good, I immediately felt like It's a situation I can handle, basically It's like going over the book with someone right there, she asked questions pertaining to my life / the book that I hadn't though about. I think I mentioned it in my previous posts, I read the book, but felt lost. (I'm a pretty intelligent person) I didn't know what to do or where to start. I didn't know how or why Normal W showed up for a week-ish let alone why she disappeared again, or how to head toward normal W again. So with Coach I was able to see what I was doing right and what was a cheese less tunnel.
I'm in this for the long haul I need to make sure I take care of me and I do everything I can before I call it quits.
Got a text from W early in the am telling me there's nothing to report about clinicals, nurse is nice. hope you're well. -densest seem like a temp check to me. Definitely bummed I'm not the first call she made yesterday, (did hope for it, didn't wait around for it) doing something different, I'd still call her to listen about school, test, blah blah. Coach was firm on NO, let W initiate. does that text even require a response? I was going to reply something like "glad you like the nurse" and that's it.
