Some stuff I didn't think of to add, figured I should for others who might be interested.

Living on my own, I admit I was scared to death to try. It QUICKLY turned into WANTING to do things myself. If my mom or GF are over, I find myself trying to take care of the cooking myself, even if they try to help. I like to do the laundry myself. I spend a fair amount of time mowing grass trying to get it looking like a yard again after xW didn't mow it all summer. When with the kids, I am fine with it being just the 3 of us.

One challenge with the kids, S11 and D9 like to do different things, and need to compromise more often. S11 is fine doing things alone, D9 is not.... which leads to S11 doing things alone a lot and D9 getting my attention more. It's not really fair to S11, so I correct it as much as possible. When with xW, S11 would get more attention from me than D9, so it is somewhat evening out.

My feelings for xW are NOT gone. Maybe they will never be. She was a good wife, and a good mother. That person is gone. But it still haunts me, what if she comes out of her.... whatever she is going through.... and wants to come back? She has caused so much hurt in the last 9 months, I don't think I would ever forgive her for it, I know I would never forget. She has to know she gave up on a wonderful marriage, right? She has to know what she is doing is wrong?

I am guessing about another thing here.... that someone is telling xW what is "typical" of an abusive man. For each item that she is told, she adds it to her list of things I have done to her. Not things I really did, things she THINKS I did. I KNOW who I was in the M. I was kind, open, loving, supportive of her in every way. Yep, I got upset when she repeatedly did things, like overspending, sitting on the couch all day, saying things about me that didn't make sense, twisting things I said. I was possibly too demanding at times. My standards for her were high, but I also told her that it was because I KNEW she could do better, and it seemed to actually help build her up. My R with GF is proving who "I" am, I am exactly who I thought I was. xW's perception of me, I am guessing is based entirely on her past R's, including her parents.