WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

quick update.
I have received the d paperwork and a bitshocked at my lack of shock to seeing them.
In fact there was a small sense of....I am not sure the words, but anxiousness to be finished with this. I felt anxiousness like before doing something that will be good for me, but it is unknown what the future holds.
Almost a sense of excitement to a whole new world.

Is this right? I have put in efforts to get myself together, but the time has been short and I am ready to move forward without her.
Is it that with each brief interaction I see her devolving more and more into something the I am not only not attracted to, but seems to be cancerous to my well being and that of my future goals and dreams?

Am I a cold emotionless person that uses detachment to protect myself. Was I detached for many years in an unhealthy manner in an unhealthy relationship that forced her to decide she no longer was attracted to me and anger was her way out and then leave and D?
I look back and see many relationships with persons that I was close to fall off and I remember the hurt, but I had to learn to recover and move on.
Whether it was a close friend that moved away or we moved away from, a high school GF, a close friend that had a falling out with me, a college GF or even a couple of siblings that cut me off and to this day, I do not know why. Is it me that drives them off. Is it me that stays at a distance clinging to their friendship, but displays an emotional cautiousness that leads them away? Has this habit carried to this point in my MR?

I am pondering the words of wise roast to me here, and they have strong merit and much wisdom but my mind, heart and soul are in a struggle here over what I know, what I feel and what my mind has clouded my past history in recollection of it.

Why?