The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

So I would really like to write about my sitch, but not entirely just yet. I will say, WW have only exchanged about 15 words today, she made 1st contact, I ended it quickly, this is the least we have communicated in years, and only a small part of me feels tugged, at least at this point in my day. Moving on...

Not sure to whom I stated I would put examples of my goals up for today. I must point out that while the MWD books said you should write them down I did not. It was not until in my old thread ForGump called me out specifically about what my goals were that I actually wrote them down (moving the ball forward FG - thank you for calling the play), but anyway I said I would do it, I said I would do it today, honoring my word, so here goes:

Vision - to become a person who can be functionally happy and satisfied independently of any attachments or relationships to things or people in his life.

Mission - to continue to enhance, improve, and advance myself beyond old methods of coping and develop new skill sets which allow diverse approaches towards individual fulfillment and prove success on a daily level.

Goals: (I am not giving all of these in full detail, but you should get the point, also, these goals being specific to me, they may not seem that great - I am posting these as an honest example of what I am doing to help me through this SS of life right now in hopes it assists others. Please do not ask me about specifics, I will not answer - you do yours).
For me:
1. Continue IC to improve understanding R of self in context to R w/ WW, R w/ abusive parent, R w/ S, R w/ anger, and R w/ drug addiction.
2. To apprentice at rock climbing gym to the point of performing a live site climb of an intermediate level rock face.
3. To finish graduate degree in spring 2017 in a way which acknowledges time management, a thing I failed at in the past.
4. To continue management of ADHD and work toward reducing chemical solution and increasing environmental solution.
5. To continue preparing daily activities with my S which are fun, cooperative, and educational on the days that I have him.
6. To live deliberately and get through each day decisively, one day at a time.

For potential R w/ WW:
1. Continue w/ proven 180 & LRT techniques, evaluating them, and changing as necessary.
2. Keep respect & dignity intact by upholding my own boundaries.
3. Listen to her, validate, do not begin arguments, follow the 37, put my hand on my own balls and know they are mine and not in a mason jar on her nightstand - this does not mean be a dk or a-hole.
4. Do not push her away, but let her know I am self-focused and have my own life.

Mileposts for R:
1. I get through more than 2 days without feeling crushed.
2. I must speak the language of action from myself, I must read the language of action from her.
3. She must end the A to begin full recovery of my attention.
4. She must acknowledge her pain and what she is going to do about it.
5. I must stay on this course of action until situation changes or I feel I am not longer able to continue. Plan will be adjusted as necessary.

So no joke, I wrote all of that down. There is more I did not get into, mainly an action plan, but like I said - you do what you like, I said I would reveal this as an example for someone, so here it is. I do not read it on the reg, it may end up a footnote in my own personal history, I am not sure. But, it does help to identify what I want. Will say, notice a clear distinction - the vision is what you want to be in the future, the mission is what you are about, the goals are how you achive the mission and get to the vision, the action hich i did not list is about how you accomplish those goals.
Lets pretend for one minute that the person you truly love most in this world has not been shting on your face for the past few weeks/months/years - doing this exercise is still valuable for your well-being. I offered a model with examples, fill in your own answers, you do not have to write, but at least think about it. Take it a step further and look into it. A marriage is a business partnership as much as it is anything else. Do you want your business to succeed? Do you want your business to be the random "Big Eddie's Sports Cards" on the corner of bumfkegypt and nowhere St. Are you satisfied with a small business. Or do you want it to be like Nike? And, further,...is the business a partnership or a sole proprietor? Get some. Still in the fight.You fight for yourself, victory is assured. Or preferably as my S4 says, "we both win Daddy". Yeah, that little dude loving me, I never loose again.