The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

I'm extremely concerned that we all get bad and biased advice daily from those who honestly care for us. Seems like a natural reaction for them to want our pain to stop. There was a good thread on this, but I can't seem to remember which one.

First off, thanks for appreciating. Second, the quote I clipped from you is true. MWD states this in the 1st chapter of DR. I am not flag waiver here for MWD as her writing does not seem to go to the depths those of us here are in (the purgatory of post LRT life/pre WW may or may not be ever coming back so WTF do I do life). Anyway, I did not tell any family about WW's A. I did tell them we were S. I did tell them my mistakes. The reason I did not expose A - 1. maybe her and I put things back together & 2. better or worse, my WW is the mother of my S, and as long as she upholds her job as being a great mother to my S I will not tolerate her honor being smeared in my presence. If I smear it one day, I have earned that right, but no one else earned it as they do not share an S w/ her...my S has to grow up with her and he has to learn from her. I did tell about 5 friends who were just my friends (no mutual or couples friends) and that still did not help. The ones I spoke with did uphold my request to not speak ill of WW, but to listen to the story, until they didn't. I then I had to check them and then I stopped confiding. Now I only speak with one platonic female and one brother level male. You need one or two confidants, choose wisely. Your friends do care for you - that makes them biased - their advice may not match your action plan. And dudes being dudes, they will draw your anger out like a tick does blood.

Your strength is inspiring.

Yeah, I realized early on what worthless echo chambers well-meaning friends can be. They have NO FKNG IDEA how it feels to get crushed by situations like ours, to contemplate what it is and will do to your kids who did not ask for any of this.

Thanks my friend - I have never had another human being level me like my WW has. And despite the fking demons from Hell which rose up to try and take me, here I stand. But I promise that I am not as strong as I intend to be. This is all catharsis and part of healing and part of my GAL. If what I am writing helps others, I tip my hat really low in their direction as a sign of acknowledgement and am proud I could be of service, but my thread is called "Fight for Self" and that fight remains. In a moment of extreme honesty, during the depths of the worst part of my days I am fking dying inside. But WW does not get that b/c I will not offer it. But.... I digress off track . Your statement about being crushed Forgump is so sublime and true that I wish I could yell it from the roof tops. People talk big game, until the big game comes and they piss their pants.