Hi -- I have been making progress on my own part however he's back and spinning out and sending me negative texts and emails which I don't respond to.
After three days of several negative texts/comments a day and blaming me for things I am not responsible -(I took responsibility for not getting the girls moving fast enough on my morning and took his morning today)
He wrote me more mean stuff today...
Finally I wrote this with the help of my sponsor:
"I get that you're really having a rough time right now. I do want to partner with you through this rough patch. When I am being accused and blamed I do not respond well, I shut down and stop responding. I can understand how it would seem like I don't care. But it is quite the opposite. It is the ONLY position left for me to take.
I'm happy to talk about ways we can be a team on finances, health and household organization, when we can do so in a positive manner.
I'm interested to give blood with you next time and I'd be interested to attend your endocrinologist appointment. I could listen and take notes for you if that would feel supportive and helpful. "
He wrote back this:
"The only rough time I am having is with you, and contrary to what you write you are not in anyway making it easy. Not sure if you're deluded or believe what you're writing but it doesn't matter at this point. You are unfortunately the main thing making my life unpleasant. I don't even mind my illness and I spent the day doing bureaucratic health care busy work on it. The problem I'm unhappy with whenever I'm around it is our relationship and it is not improving.
I absolutely understand the part you wrote about your not being able to act any other way than the way you are. That's fine for you to do but I can't live with you any more, it's too unpleasant, it [censored] all the air out of the room for me to be around your behavior.
This is very challenging to deal with. Let's get through as much as we can at 9. We have a lot of decisions to make together hopefully, in order to get through this unpleasantness. "
He keeps getting upset and saying we need to split up. That's fine but he never follows through he just backs off again. Saying I suck the air out of the room when I'm simply trying to avoid him is him describing himself. I could say "I know you are but what am I?" to everything he says if it wasn't so immature.
I don't want to talk to him if he's going to say un-civil things like that. I want him to cc someone he trusts because it's unacceptable for him to write or say so much mean stuff all the time.
How can I phrase it?
He wants to talk at 9pm tonight and I don't want to be around him.
