Your problem is your fear. I would guess in your dating years that you held the other person a little too tightly, emotionally. Maybe you appeared to be needy, which turns women off. I'm wondering if your lack of self confidence caused you to emotionally pressure your girl friends, b/c you needed to feel assured.....and/or needed to control. Maybe I'm wrong, and the girls mistreated you and took you for granted until they lost respect and admiration for you. IDK, but when the guy says he was always the one who got dumped....that tells me that he was repeating the same mistakes with every girl.
I wouldn't say I was always dumped, I recall most of the time it was mutual, but there were instances I was the dumpee. YES MY PROBLEM IS FEAR with respect to my MR
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What is a WW's wakeup call? I think the quickest is when she believes she's losing him. She has lost him as her H, and as a friend. She has lost him in her life. There are other types of losses she can experience, that play a part in waking her up. However, she has to experience loss due to her decisions to dump her H/M. So far, your W has not lost you, even though she wants out of the M.
I agree with you, but my DG coach is advising I need to stay as friends with my W, and that going dark would be more of the same from me, that i should be engaged to a certain degree. However, he did say I need to lovingly detach. This is a bit conflicting in terms of advice. Coach stated it will be difficult to get a WAS w/o being friends with her first.
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You are afraid that your W will decide/convince herself that she really has found a better life apart from you and this MR. That is only your fear speaking to you. Nobody can do anything about your fear, but you. Until then, you need to act in spite of your fear. Stop telling her how you will always be there for her, and that the house is open for her, etc. You are doing the opposite of what you need to do if you want her back.
Your 100% right. I need to find a balance of detachment and what my coach is advising. The key to all this is to GAL with friendly detachment.
