Hi all, I hope you are all having great summer. I'm trying to catch up on reading while on holidays. I need to do some journaling of what happened since last time I posted but I was very busy before holidays and during first days of vacation tried to be off Internet to clear my head.
Thank you Kyh, you are right! I'm not sure either. We don't talk about it now. I don't want to spoil the vacation.
Second week on vacation, still going fine. Sometimes it feels so normal that I need to control myself not to reach for his hand or call him "darling". He hugged me long & firm for my birthday & called me my "cute" name twice. But as Job insisted, I have no expectations, keep my distance, am nice but not overdoing it.
I am looking at him and I feel sorry for him. He looks so aged. He put on weight, is tired, sleeps a lot, even during the day, on the bus, on the train, plane... Every opportunity he has. He forgets things. Forgot his suitcase, I was waiting for it & brought it to him, paid with credit card & forgot to take it, the cashier lady run after him, we discuss something in the evening, in the morning he asks questions as if we never discussed it before... He also had yellowish skin around his eyes. I'm trying to google it as I am almost sure that I read somewhere it's also a sign of depression but cannot find it anywhere... Now that he rested and got a bit of sun it seems fine again. At times he seems happy. He had one angry day. I told him if he's not well to stay in bed and not to pass it on us. He kept distance but went along & tried to be nice.
He also makes sure I see what he's doing on his phone. It's nice but I must say, I don't care anymore. The more I see how broken he is & how unfair he was/is towards me, I just wonder why I would like to waste my time with someone who does not appreciate me. At the same time, spending holidays the 4 of us together does seem normal & right. Well, becoming unstable myself...
I'll come back soon to journal what happened before holidays. We had some discussions but I am starting to realise it's just a waste of my time. I don't think he knows what he wants apart for blaming me for everything & justifying his actions by pointing out how terrible I am, scoring points. This was before vacation, peace and harmony during vacation (so far)...
