New and going through a Hybrid Seperation

[sandi2]

So, during your dating years, you were always the one that got dumped? Okay. Did any of them give reasons?

I know in my mind what I need to do, but the actual execution is where I know I fail. With WW what is their typical "wake-up" call? To me, my wife is going in with the grass is greener, and my fear to her even without her family she will convince herself that it is better.

I remember saying that I had the grass-is-greener syndrome. I think for most women that means a better life....with a better relationship. In other words, a new person in their life. Your W may not be in an affair, but she's ripe for one. There are many women who leave the M b/c they want the singles lifestyle......which includes dating.

What is a WW's wakeup call? I think the quickest is when she believes she's losing him. She has lost him as her H, and as a friend. She has lost him in her life. There are other types of losses she can experience, that play a part in waking her up. However, she has to experience loss due to her decisions to dump her H/M. So far, your W has not lost you, even though she wants out of the M.

You see, she is in a fantasy, and the only way out of it is for her to be hit head on with reality. Right now, she sees herself as having this grand new life with other men wanting her, maybe getting remarried to a rich man, who knows. But, she really doesn't visualize ever really losing you (or much of anything else) in her life. She sees you as always being there for her, regardless of what she does. She sees you always loving her, regardless of how she treats you. In other words, she takes you for granted in the worst way.

Your problem is your fear. I would guess in your dating years that you held the other person a little too tightly, emotionally. Maybe you appeared to be needy, which turns women off. I'm wondering if your lack of self confidence caused you to emotionally pressure your girl friends, b/c you needed to feel assured.....and/or needed to control. Maybe I'm wrong, and the girls mistreated you and took you for granted until they lost respect and admiration for you. IDK, but when the guy says he was always the one who got dumped....that tells me that he was repeating the same mistakes with every girl.

You are afraid that your W will decide/convince herself that she really has found a better life apart from you and this MR. That is only your fear speaking to you. Nobody can do anything about your fear, but you. Until then, you need to act in spite of your fear. Stop telling her how you will always be there for her, and that the house is open for her, etc. You are doing the opposite of what you need to do if you want her back.