The Fight for Self

[CT1118]

This info is sad, depressing, interesting, and shows hope all at the same time. There is hope, but only with hard HARD work will there be any realization of that.
One other stat I'd like to see: How many people who say The only way I'd divorce you is if you committed adultery actually end up doing it. It's one thing to say it, it's another to be involved in it. Especially with a child.

RSG - Those stats are indeed all of those. And for the most part, I saw all of them consistently, perhaps worded differently, but pretty consistent. There is hope my friend.
I'm not sure how many say that and actually do. I know I quit discussing my sitch w/ guy friends because all I heard was "leave the B, you deserve better". But I have a kid, I have history, we have the same values (mostly, mine did not include walking out), I know she is hurting and confused, and I know what I can take in this world. I never said I would leave my W if she had an A, I never thought it. She was always insecure about me and WW told me early in the M that if I ever cheated she would be very angry, but could forgive it. I pretty much felt and still feel the same way. I say "pretty much" because I can handle the sex part (don't like it, but survivable) I was never mentally prepared for the depth of the lies and selfishness that go along with it, to me that was the real betrayal.

Not sure what "AP" means in this context.

Does this mean that someone who has an affair is unlikely to nurture that affair into a lasting relationship?

Thanks for the list.

ForGump - AP = affair partner. Yes, that is exactly what it means. Truth is, most A's are begun on a lie of some sort. WW certainly lied to LBS, but most likely to their AP as well. The WW also lies to mutual friends, their kids, their parents, their siblings, their friends (not all of them), their employers. A level of cover always exists. Also, the A is typically a fantasy that gets caught in the first stage of attraction - emotional need/sexual desire/romantic events. Everyone loves the feeling of new love, but that never lasts, ever. Once real life creeps in, the WW and her A partner see that they are not compatible with real life - car repair, splitting bills, time management, etc. Plus, whatever problems your WW has personally, odds are she hid these flaws from the A partner...and they will come out. So, that is what I read as the reason that WW's A is unlikely to succeed, that is not to say it's impossible.
The other big reason I read was that when the MLC hits the depression stage, the WW begins to realize all that has been risked, ruined, and lost. She will realize that her old H loved her despite all of her flaws, that she risked her kids, that she is (most likely) in some state of financial ruin, and generally most things in her life are all screwed because of her behavior.

Did that answer it? I hope its all true FWIW. I am very much still in the same state of mess that all here are, I am just a real obsessive person about the need for arming myself with information.