Last night, first time in a long time, we hugged each other for feeling and she allowed me to cuddle.
You really must change this type of mindset, if you ever expect her (or any woman) to respect you as a man.
I'm not sure you understand the part I highlighted. If your W "let" you cuddle with her......and especially after all she had said before going to bed........it makes you appear as weak man....in her eyes. For the WW, it's about respect and attraction she feels (or doesn't feel) for the H. She has just told you that will not consider working to save the M and she is packing to S..........and it sounded as if she just tolerated you needing cuddling time. It's sounds pursuing and weak, to me.
I
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know what has proven to work is paradoxical to what I want to do. That night where were in bed, was the first night of closeness in months and because she told me she wants to end the M made me more emotional in the process.
That is my point.
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Sandi2 - I know you're 100% right. I need to detach, back-away, GAL, and 180. But because of my past damaging anger/rage issues and not talking to her long periods of time, I feel like W is going to think more of the same and backfire on me.
Your W has not had a wake up call, like you've had. She feels completely done with the M. She is looking forward to the single life. Right now is not the time to show her how loving, attentive, and available you can be. It is a little late, in the WW viewpoint. However, that is not saying it is too late to bust a divorce.
She does not want to S in order to work on the M. She wants to S to live as a single, and the things she was saying was her way of preparing you, b/c she wants to date. I would not be surprised if you discover that there is someone waiting in the wings.
What I am saying is that you cannot use any pursuing behaviors. It will not win her back. I understand your desire is to prove how you can be the H she wanted all those years. However, she is on a different path, now. She is not interested in being your W at this time. It can change, but I believe your mindset will need to make an adjustment.
Let me ask you something. During your dating years, did you ever drop a girl that really wanted to continue dating you? Did you ever experience a girlfriend who would not accept the fact you were through and was moving on? This is not a trick question. I really want to know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
