WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[roist]

SH. I am glad my thoughts helped you think about things.

I thank you for your detailed and honest reflections.It is only by being honest and facing that truth that we can advance. You are doing that. Keep going.

In your replies I notice some consistencies.

1. You seek to understand........ understand her, you, your situation,wwhy, what next, etc. Understanding does help most times and I share the desire to understand. However some things are beyond our understanding and cannot be explained logically and then placed nicely in an appropriately labelled storage box.

Plus whereas understanding does give insight, it is not always necessary to move forward. You have a situation. You decide how you deal with it and you move forward. Accepting things at face value can be enough to determine how to move forward. Over analysing holds us back.

2. It is often said here that D is just s piece of paper. It changes nothing in absolute terms. That works in both senses. Being divorced will not change that much for you. Because of your daughters ye will be obliged to have many interactions for years to come.

What do you want to do that you cannot do until you are divorced ? A part from dating, which I believe you are not ready for yet, there is nothing stopping you doing whatever you want to do now.

YOU are setting your own limitations.

3. LOVE. If I were you I would park this issue of love for now. You don't need to determine if you love her now, as it is irrelevant at the moment.You don't need to determine if you really loved her in the past. Firstly it is in the past and will always be there if you want to revisit this later.Secondly, our feelings change and are affected by our current emotions. Just like the WAS the way the LBS looks back on the R is also clouded. Dome see it with rose tinted glasses, others in shades of grey/black.

I got to go. I may come back with other thoughts but I looking forward to hearing about your "trait changing lists"

One last thought about feeling guilty for moving on so quickly. That is probably the best thing you could have done. It is a good thing. If W wants to reconcile, you can decide then what you will do. If it is too late, it is her loss.