Lol, maybeep felt ridiculous. Like "I may beep. I may not beep?" I don't know. lol
I leave tonight after work so I'm going to try to have fun, I just wish W was coming....
I had been doing so good PMA wise and just overall fun/happy but the last few days have really thrown me.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
and the worst part is MI is a no fault state so, since we don't have kids, there's only a minimum wait period of 60 days! That's no time at all!!!
The other thing that's been messing with me is that, I've always been someone who is pretty intuitive I ALWAYS trust my guy/instinct/intuition whatever you want to call it. And it is right 99% of the time. And lately I keep having this really intense feeling that W wants to come home, I've tried ignoring it because I don't want to get my hopes up for this especially since my intuition doesn't have a calendar so it could be some time in the future. But the more I try to ignore it the more prominent the feeling becomes. I've even started dreaming about it on a regular basis and it is seriously messing with my mind.
I hear you on this. Yesterday morning I could actually feel W give me a hug and kiss goodbye even though she's been gone for 2 weeks now.
With regards to the D - don't imagine that you have to abide by the minimum wait time if you don't want to. You can drag it out for as long as you like I'm sure. Your L will very likely be more than happy to slowly send letters asking for clarification of this comma or that apostrophe as long as you keep paying their bill.
It's something that I'm struggling with as well. As part of my LRT and for my own sanity I have the divorce papers already filled out and showed them to W when she told me she was leaving for real this time. I did tell her quite emphatically though that that was not a path I wanted to take. Today is the first day that it would be possible for me to receive a letter from her L on moving the process forward. I'm not sure if I'll rush it along or drag it out. First I would want to actually talk to W and see what her wishes are. I've told myself that I can wait out her trying to decide where her heart lies while working on finding myself.
Good luck on the vacation - I'm off next week myself for the annual week that I take around my own anniversary.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Just a thought. Dragging it out will only cost you money and perhaps throw gas on the fire for your S.
Around here it is most often said, a d is nothing more that a piece of paper. Keeping that in mind will help your perception as nothing changes with or without it. If a piece of paper were the secret to a strong healthy MR, we would all be happy. But it is not. Another thing that is often asked, and I ask you now. What would be different right now for you if you already were D? I get the fear of a speedy d, but it is not the end if you choose not to let it be. Reconciliations still happen after a d.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
And the divorce thing, I don't know I get what darkness said. I know my day-to-day life wouldn't change and I know it doesn't necessarily mean "THE END" in some super final way. It just still feels bad.
I never said it doesnt feel badly. My point was just that in the grand scheme of things, the actual divorce proceedings wont really impact you much. If you spend all of your energy working to "avoid the divorce" then your focus is in the wrong place.
Just a thought. Dragging it out will only cost you money and perhaps throw gas on the fire for your S.
Exactly. If you hold a dog and it tries to leave but you hold it tighter, what happens? It just struggles even more until it finally breaks free. And now youve showed that you arent to be trusted.
All you can do is protect yourself and let her go.
I don't plan on trying to drag it out a) for financial reasons and b) because it would like SH said "throw gas on the fire"
I'm trying to not focus on it I still have like 18days to file my answer with the court and after that point whatever happens, happens.
I'm still focusing on me and being the best me I can be with or without W. At this point I honestly think that the D will have to happen for there to be any chance of reconciling.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Hmmmm - this is making me re-think my own plans. I have the power to file here right now if I chose to but am currently leaving it to WW to make that first move since it really makes no difference to how I live my life one way or the other.
I had been intending on not obviously dragging my heels but making sure that if she starts things that the mediation steps take a fair amount of time to allow for WW to back out and change her mind. I've worried that she'll be pushed into filing by her L and those enabling people around her and hoped that time would allow her to know her own heart in the matter.
She left 2 weeks ago to "escape the noise and make up her mind" but I have no idea if that is actually what she is doing. All indications from where I sit trying to drop the rope are that she's cut herself off from a lot of her former friends who were egging her on at least as well as me, S22 and D24. I have no clue if she's cut out OM or not. She said that she has the lease where she is until the end of September.
What is the thought of the community? If she starts the process, knowing full well that I have everything in place just let it flow through at speed or let it take time? Money is certainly a concern but my L assures me that doing nothing is relatively cheap.
Sorry for the thread hi-jack but still on topic.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Personally, I would not have initiated D. My W filed and because of that I'm going to let it play through. Dragging my heels at this point would just be pouring gas on the fire...It wouldn't help me emotionally or financially and it would not help our chances of Reconciling
I've 180'd from asking her to stop the D to, I don't want to say accepting it, because I have not accepted it but I'm not openly fighting it anymore.
For my situation I plan to take the maximum amount of time I can to file my answers with the court and such but other than that I'm going to let it flow through at speed.
And like I said in my post earlier, I think at least in my situation the D has to go through, or come very, very close, for there to be any chance of reconciling. I need to "act as if" she's lost me and I'm moving on without her and she needs to feel that loss and right now I know she doesn't think she ever could lose me 100%
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
For my situation I plan to take the maximum amount of time I can to file my answers with the court and such but other than that I'm going to let it flow through at speed.
I wouldnt pay too much attention to it. Treat it like any other bill. Get to it when you have some time to do household "paperwork" tasks. You know the deadline...just meet it as you would normally.
