My wife walked out 4

[RSG]

Regardless, I'm more into spending time with my boy and enjoying being his favorite person. I love his bear hugs, his silliness, his smile, happy attitude and love. He truly is my inspiration, and my greatest therapy!

Well said RSG. You are 100% on the right path. Be proud of yourself bud!

I'm definitely proud of that. Those hugs make my heart happy!

So, great day with my therapist today. I really like her, she really allows me to open up. Main topics today were space and communication but there was a lot under those umbrellas. She agreed that, based on what I explained about how she likes to use S as an excuse to check up on me or try to get info on me, that cutting things down would be a good idea.

She asked me what I wanted out of cutting communication. It took me a minute, because I really wasn't sure. But, I was able to answer that it was not only for me to live as a single dad, but also as a way for her to have to make her own decisions. To see if she can handle being on her own w/o knowing that I'll be there to help her deal with a minor incident re S (he hit a teacher today, but it's not as bad as it sounds. W told me the situation, and he does the same to me and presumably her. W can handle, but still defers to me). She asked what I would be like if we D, and I said I'd only communicate re major incidents re S, scheduling info and any money stuff. Any friendship would have to develop over years. It boiled down to, communication should match our situation. I feel taken advantage of sometimes, as she still does the "I'll talk to his Father(my Husband)" and won't handle things on her own.

I also noted that I'm monitoring communication, as I can feel a little uptick in smarmyness but it's not disrespectful yet. She still says please, thank you, I'm sorry, etc. C was impressed that I was able to recognize these things, also that I'm able to observe W a good bit but just file it away. It's been odd, but lately she'll be about to say something personal re life or work and will stop midway and say "nevermind." I don't take the bait, but it's weird. C asked what I thought about this, and I wasn't sure. Trying to get me to ask about stuff, to show I'm still interested in her life? Mentioned I didn't think about this much, but she wanted to try to know a little more about our dynamic.

One thing I mentioned to her was what I read today. That things like her email re S the other day sharing her worries (cut his nails, more showers, etc) are a reaction to her losing control as a parent. That she used to be his #1, but now she sees him run to me on sight. And that loss of control hurts, so she tries to regain it via me. (If she tells me what to do, even if S comes to me, he'll be doing so because I'm doing what she told me. Yeah, real headshrinker stuff lol) C agreed, and said it's a natural reaction.

C noted that the reading and this site have really helped me, and I cannot agree more. She thinks I'm doing well and that I've learned a lot. I really like talking with her. I went the whole time, and when she said "times up" I could've gone another hour easy! I'm going to try to write an email that explains how I feel about communication, that it should match our status as Separated. That, first and foremost, I should compose it focusing on ME and how I feel and to try not to use YOU at all. I feel this would be best for me, as a face to face would probably make W so distraught that I wouldn't even be able to finish before she accused me of punishment, keeping her from S, etc etc.

A good session. This is really invaluable for me!