10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[DonH]

Ginger, I also wanted to respond to your comments as this is somewhat the other side of my somewhat complex problem. While for the past years it's been a lack of people to even go out with, I have a potential whole other side of concerns and what has happened to you, just to be honest, scares the crap out of me!

I've done it both ways you say Ginger, 1. When you're not looking and least expect it. and 2. putting in the work. From 2006 to about 2012 I was not in the least bit concerned. I totally had the, if it's going to happen it's going to happen thing. To be honest, I didn't even want it to! I didn't try much if at all and was fine with it. Then in 2009 I went on a cruise by myself, something my ExW and I did nearly 10 times and loved only without a partner, I HATED it. That's the first time it started to hit me. Still, I traveled since and loved it. I go most places as a single - not to say without friends or anything but I guess as the third or fifth or seventh wheel as you put it. At this point, friends and family would be shocked if I showed up with a date. It's then been since about 2012 or 2013 that I've started thinking, clearly just waiting for it to happen is not getting me anywhere and all I'm doing is getting older and time is passing me by. It was then that friends said "get out there" "try online" etc. So I did. And it seems like the harder I try, the worse it gets. As I posted to KML, I've not had a date from online all year long! Why even bother anymore? At least when I wasn't trying it was one thing but to really try and get nothing but rejection really [censored].

All that said, coming back here, reading posts really brings me back to what a struggle it was when WAW walked. Do I want to risk that again? At least now while I'm not happy about it, I'm functioning well, doing work, going out, no depression, etc. Do I want to risk falling for someone, getting dumped and falling into a huge depression? I'm not so sure I do.

That then puts me in a damned if I do, damned if I don't, no win situation. I don't want to stay single and less happy than I could otherwise be but I for certain don't want to be down right depressed, not able to get work done, not wanting to get out of bed. If that's my two choices, I'll stay with what I've got.

As you guys might be able to already tell, I have huge self a steam. I'm very confident but always try to stay this side of cocky. I am very caring and will help people - hell I was a firefighter/paramedic for nearly 25 years. I'm a private pilot, accomplished musician, businessman. I don't have bio kids but love kids and am still involved with SD and SS ten years later! I'm told I'm rather funny but you have to get and appreciate my sarcasm. I can't tell you how many women say I'm a catch and can't figure out how the things I tell them could be happening.

Then again, all that said, I am not looking to get married again. Does that come across and scare people away? On the other side of that coin, the last date I had said the same thing to her friend "He doesn't want to get married does he?" So clearly there are women out there who don't have that as their end game. For you Ginger at your age, it totally makes sense. For me at 53 and not wanting kids, not as much.

Okay, so before I go in circles anymore I'm going to stop. Hopefully I've provided enough info for additional feedback. Again, if it will help to post my profile info, etc. let me know.