Did Not See It - But Should Have

[RDS]

I'm having a really tough time of it the last couple of days; especially today. I had a 7 hour drive up to TN today so I was alone in my thoughts the whole time. And no matter how I tried my mind kept wandering back to my W.

A good portion of the drive I've traveled dozens of times previously and my W was with me on a lot of those trips. It seemed everything reminded me of her. Hell, I used to call her when I was on the road, even in our worst times, and chat with her to pass the time. I caught myself a couple of times instinctively reaching for the phone to call her.

It seems it's gotten harder now since we've been communicating to not to reach out to her and discuss ur R and beg her back. I know I can't do that but I'm afraid I will get weak and do it. We have talked more in the last month than we have in the last two years. Laughing and talking about everything under the sun (except our R) makes me really resent what I became to turn her away from me.

The court date keeps looming in my head. I'm so afraid if I go into court with guns blazing to protect myself financially it might ruin any chance with my W.

Anybody have suggestions?