Hi Don - First of all - congrats on your sobriety. Good job.
Second - let me say, dating is a numbers game, and unless you work somewhere that you meet a lot of elgible women, online dating is still your best option for meeting people who ARE interested in a relationship. (Not 100%, but most people who go to the trouble to put up a profile are actually looking for a partner). Also, online dating allows you to screen out obviously incompatible people even before that first coffee date.
I know not everyone has had as good results from online dating as I did, and not everyone is savvy at reading profiles and getting a sense of the person. If you're not, recruit a friend to help you sort through the profiles.
Or join an activity which brings you into contact with the right kinds of women in a non-dating environment, where they can get to know you more naturally before you ask them out.
Also, remember - online dating is a very artificial and strange setup, where you might be having conversations with several potential dates and then go meet one who you decide to go out with. So don't take it personally when people drop off the map after initially seeming interested - sometimes it's just that they found the right match elsewhere.
As for this:
Quote:
LOL, well I clearly have high standards - both for myself and for everyone else
It's fine to have high standards when you're looking for a mate - so long as those high standards involve real things, and aren't just about looking for an unrealistic Christie Brinkley/Rocket scientist. No one will be perfect - you need to figure out what your true priorities are. If your heart's desire is a truly loving and honest reliable partner, she might come in a package that's a little overweight, or still has a kid in high school, or might be a smoker.....you need to know what are absolute dealbreakers versus when you are being unrealistic.
As for APPLYING those unrealistic standards to someone once you are dating them - THAT's controlling and needs to stop. My ex had OCD and I could never meet his ridiculous, ever-changing standards. I was never thin enough for him, even when I was - in retrospect - a good 15 lbs underweight. I was never athletic enough for him, even though I learned to backpack, ski, snowboard, rock climb, climbed Mt. Whitney. I'm a strong person and never really took it on myself too much, but a weaker person would have crumbled under his constant criticism. Don't be that guy. Try to let go and appreciate their good qualities without "fixing" them.
Also - you need to figure out how and why you might be sabotaging yourself. I dated a lot of emotionally unavailable and/or inappropriate guys in the first years after my marriage, because deep down, I wasn't really ready to open up to a relationship again myself. Once I reached the point that I was, I met my current guy - who looks all wrong for me on paper, but is actually perfect for me.
