Have to keep making the changes

[ATPeace]

she seems to be distancing herself further from me

OK. Ive heard you saying this over and over and over again for months now. Some actual questions:

1) You mention there was an EA/possible EA/whatever last fall. I remember something about a locked ipad. What ever happened with all that?

2) Your W was going out to clubs until very late many weekends such that you felt you were a babysitter. What is the latest on that?

3) Your W was hiding huge stacks of money. What is the latest on that? Are her paychecks accounted for now?

You say she is distancing from you, but these behaviors seem to have stopped over the last many months. Even if there were progress, I dont think you would see it as you are so wrapped up in this narrative.


As for you, why arent I hearing about your tennis or your ballroom dancing anymore? And every time I hear about the gym, it's "I started, but Im not doing a very consistent job at it". What will it take for you to really work on you?

Hi darkness

So to answer your questions,1) I have no proof whatsoever that ther was an EA I suspect my fear and my jealousy made this appear real.

My W tells me that she does not want to be in a relationship and I do believe her when she says this she is not trying to date she does not want to have a new relationship here is what I think happened

My w loves to talk to anybody males and females and I was /am jealous I W scared that she would meet somebody else so I tried to control my W I did not like her going out and she knew this so she did not go out with her friends so much and this made Her very unhappy now that she has separated her feelings from me she no longer feels guilty or cares she just wants to be happy I saw this yesterday hen we went out to her sisters shows chatting to sisters husbands and in the past I would have felt jealous and I might even have jokingly accused her of flirting with them ....this was not the case and the more I watched her the more realised she just loves to talk she likes male and female company and this is something that I would have to accept and a very big 180 would be me showing no control ..(I do not have any and probably never did ) over her friends

2) my W does go out with her girl friends and one of those friends likes to go clubbing and my W goes along with her ( she would not go on her own) I am 100% sue she gets male attention my wife is very good looking slim and blonde hair she turns heads so again mŷ jealousy and my fear would have made her feel scared that if she met someone then she would leave me ...to add she never gave me any reason to doubt her lloyalty to me.

3) she was stacking money away she might still be for all I know I do not think that she is but I would not know if she was putting some away each week or month I guess it comes down to trust.

She keeps her,phone and her iPad locked and, msgs on her devices,do not show up as a header the phone just pings so I have no idea who it is,could be work or could,be a guy sending her a msg(my fear again)

She rarely ever sends me a txt I guess why would she .....a choice she makes


So to look at positives
She has not left the house
She has not filed for divorce
She likes my company still
We do not argue
We still have a good relationship
We both will still do things for each other kind gestures
We are talking about going away later this year as a family abroad

As to me I did not enjoy the dancing it was older people and I felt out of place ...perhaps salsa ?
I lost my love of tennis this was one of the original reasons that my W told me she wanted out was I would put tennis above her and our children

I have been using a personal trainer and he has been very supportive but I am not making very much progress I am still overweight and I feel bad about this yet I struggle to make any progress I will never be body beautiful too many stretch marks but I need to loose weight for my health.

I guess I am afraid to make new friends I do not want to live away from my children my W my family and I am scared that I could meet someone and this would complicate things further

I have done a few meetiups and I have stepped outside my comfort zone

I am becoming a better person and this is important to me