Episode 3 - The Divorce Awakens

[qt4x11]

QT I learned a lot about myself during this period. I learned that I don't like conflict. If I didn't like what she was doing I needed to let my angry tank to fill up. Than I would explode in a rage. Did that many times. June of 2011 I discovered that my daughter had failed every class and had missed 75 or so days from school. I lost my temper especially since exw spent all her time and money on a new hobby, horses.

I blamed exw for not being a better parent and spending all her time with horses. In reality I should have been more involved. But they would not let me in and lied and covereD for each otherm.
My daughter will be 20 in December with a 9th grade education. I feel bad for her but it's her choice. We had save enough money for her to attend college. It's her life.

The finances will work themselves out. And what I learned is that when you go through divorce you must park your heart on a shelve. It all boils down to money and who gets what. Sad..

Well I just read your last thread, I'm glad you have someone you love now, and it seems like things are looking up for you financially with your new business.

My kids are young so I don't even know (yet) how problems with their schooling like your Ds can affect the MR. Sounds like you had problems controlling your temper at times, but also that your W was enabling your D's problems and also checked out of a lot of her parenting duties. So nobody specifically at fault.

It's so unbelievably sad, and I'm just at the beginning of the D process. I just dread all of the sad things coming down the road for me - the selling of the marital home, separate residences, what will happen when kids start school again in the fall, if my wife hooks up with a new man. And then once the divorce is finalized - I'll be alone, with less money, and have a whole new set of sad experiences. At this point, I would like to reconcile, but that seems more and more unlikely given all the stuff that's happened/is happening. Other than that I'd just like to be happy and all of this stuff behind me - but even that seems pretty far away.




Not doing well the past few days. Stressed out, irritable, not sleeping, staying up late worrying this divorce stuff to death. I had to go back to my house to retrieve some items a couple days ago, I should've known from last time I was home that it would totally destroy me. Every time I go home, it's so surreal. It's like visiting a former life. I'm just filled with so much regret and sadness. A family used
to live here and now they're broken. It's my fault.

I have moments where I am relatively ok and don't think about my divorce, usually when I'm having fun or doing something distracting like work. This is progress. It still takes a lot of self control to stop myself from reaching out to her whenever we have to interact.

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I unfriended my wife on FB. Sad, so unbelievably sad. She was posting pics of 'hey look at the view from my condo' and friends were congratulating her on it. I got mad because I'm the one paying the mortgage on that condo and I've been sleeping on couches for three months now. Maybe it is a good sign that I am feeling some anger.

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They say in order to gain acceptance you have to forgive your spouse, even if you don't feel like it. So I am sorry for everything I did to cause my marital problems. And I forgive my wife for - giving up on me, abandoning me, breaking up our family, and during the divorce process - becoming vindictive unfair and mean spirited, and taking the process too far.