WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[Phoebe]

SH, I am right there with you one the simmering emotions. In fact I was just posting a little bit about that on my own journal lately. I went so long without having any appreciable amount of anger, and now something is changing. I think that I am just getting tired of the whole thing dragging on and on. I just want to get to the next stage of my life.

Maybe it's impatience, but It feels like i have this new and growing kernel of anger and it just pops out in unexpected places. I'm not generally an angry person, yet I feel myself getting annoyed and impatient sometimes and I can't pin down a real reason.

You mentioned the groundhog day syndrome and I am right there with you on that one, too. It's the reason that, early on, I decided to choose a small number of threads to follow here, because they are all so heartbreaking. I could get to know a few people without draining away what strength I gained here, and we could all move forward together. I'm so glad I found you, Sage Homme, and all the others that I have come to "know."

So my usual advice is: acknowledge the way you are feeling and let yourself feel it. Period. It worked for grief, so why not with these new feelings as we continue our journey forward? If the tsunami waves were normal, then so are these spikes of anger and annoyance. Recognize them, feel them, and let them pass on through. The only difference is that these spikes can damage other people along the way, so we need to consciously work to control the fallout. We need to consciously redirect the anger away from those we love and care about and recognize what is actually underlying the anger/annoyance.

For example, my being upset with my L-friend for the recent music wars while driving was really about me being reminded of the way my WH used to behave when I was driving us back and forth between our two homes over the last year he was here. I felt like I was a damn chauffeur - no conversation or touch. He'd just surf the internet on his phone and basically ignore me. I'd tell him that I wished he would talk to me to help me stay alert for the drive, and I'd be met with annoyance, like I was nagging, when I just was looking for attention. In hindsight this was all just part of his checking out.

Anyway, after the music argument with L-friend, I realized that I was not really mad at him, even though his sensitivity in sharing his opinions could use an upgrade. I was actually triggered by reminders of WH and taking it out on L-friend. Being stuck in a car with someone who was pushing my buttons repeatedly (if unknowingly) just brought back the feeling of rejection I had with WH when we drove together, and that, in turn, made me angry that I was feeling that way again.

Sorry for the rambling hijack/

Point being, SH - It's all normal. We just need to find a new set of management strategies because this set of emotions can harm the ones we love and depend on.

Keep on journaling, SH. It helps me so much. In fact, just writing on your thread has given me a cleared understanding of what I was feeling with L-friend and the battle of the bands.

((((((((((Sparrow Hawk))))))))))