i just wrote my wife this letter, and I will leave it in an envelope on her nightstand. Please tell me what yall think. I am sincere in everything I put in it, and I really did get down on my hands and knees and bow my head to the floor and make a vow before God.
Jennifer,
I realize you are highly skeptical of anything I say right now, and that is understandable.
This morning when you were in our bathroom getting ready to go to your brother and Ellens and I came in to talk to you, what I was trying to say was that as I listened to Delisa talk about how my brother had just treated her last night, I realized the amount of pain I must have put you through and my heart fell to my toes. I felt I had to say SOMETHING to you this morning even though you would not think it was sincere, and I can tell you that I WAS/AM very sincere in my sorrow for causing you so much pain.
I understand your hesitance to ever trust me again, and all I can tell you is that I got on my hands and knees and bowed my head to the floor and made a solemn vow before God to never ever touch you, Casey, and Erin in anger, and I also vowed to never verbally abuse you again, ever. I take these vows before God extremely seriously and I pray that you beleive me in this.
I can understand how you might think my behaviour of late is all an act, but it is not, some of the issues that I had that were causing me to have that anger ( and yes, I speak in the past tense) have already been resolved and will not return.
I know that intimacy, or lack thereof was a big factor in our marriage and I had issues with initiating contact, but thru threrapy I have overcome those issues and I would like nothing more than to make love to you over and over again. But, do not get me wrong, I realize that you are in control of that and I am fine with that.
I will not engage in a pity session, because like I told you , I want you to take me back because you see something in me worth loving, not because you feel sorry for me. I do know that I am cpapble of a vast amount of love and I would love to show you how great our marriage and the raising of Casey and Erin together could be, but again, you are in the drivers seat as it should be.
When I told you that I would forego contact with my side of the family if it was the only way to keep you, Casey & Erin in my life, I will do it, because through therapy I am realizing that my family seems to thrive on the misery of others and they are afraid to admit that they are part of the problem, and not the solution. YOU, CASEY, & ERIN are my ULTIMATE PRIORITY and I will sacrifice everything to keep us all together.
Oh! How I wish I could be with you Casey & Erin on Easter Sunday at church! I would try and swap shifts with someone so that I could go with yall as a family.
I have so much that I want to show you in the coming months and years and I hope you are up to the adventure.
Jennifer, you keep saying that you can't wait around for me to change, and all I can say is that there is no "waiting" period, it's already begun, and change is a never ending process! And I am changing for the better.
Love, Dustin.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
