wife of 14 years walks out on her family

[Raul]

Update:
After receiving a good pep talk from a co-worker to keep my head high up I went home for lunch.

I knew that since spending time with W yesterday and this morning that it would bring some deep rooted emotions, I went home for lunch. At home, i felt an urge to cry...just like you know you have to vomit after eating something bad but you keep holding it in until it just gets released... Well my tears came out and I cried terribly hard...as if someone I loved so much died. I cried and pleaded with God to give me strength to get over this...to get over her. I cried why does it have to hurt so bad...why can't she love me back...why did you allow this happen to my family.

After almost an hour, I felt so relieved. So refreshed. Went back to work to continue my day.

[bigybiz]

Raul: I just scanned most of your posts. I feel for you and wish you the best. I too just bought a motorcyclist as part of my recovery. It's old and only 250cc but I'm enjoying it. Keep on with your GAL. Do what you can to start a new life. Perhaps, do things differently - change your outfits, shop at another store, stop drinking pop and start drinking lemonade. You will be surprised how much the little changes can move you forward.

Here is to you my friend.

[Raul]

Thanks bigybiz,
I noticed your W moved out almost the same day as mine [5/19]. Yes, I agree, keep GAL. I went out last night with some friends and had dinner and beers.

Then I messed up, drinking beers makes me emotional. I text my W at 2 am and told her I miss her. She text back at 6 am to tell she will not come over to comb our daughters hair and to have a nice day.

A female coworker told me that most likely when I text her at 2 am that she was probably with her new man. The same way he got her by text her at 2 am, now he is feeling insecure.

Life [censored].

[AndrewP]

A female coworker told me that most likely when I text her at 2 am that she was probably with her new man. The same way he got her by text her at 2 am, now he is feeling insecure.

Life [censored].

Yes - yes it does. And sadly by texting at 2 am all that probably happened is that you ticked her off. I tend to file OM into a broad category of scum that deliberately ruins families with no regard for anyone's feelings but their own. I doubt your text had any impact on him.

This is going to be a long haul. At this point "nothing" you do will affect your WW because of the fog she is in and OM isn't any of your concern or interest.

I had a longer episode when I was traveling for business for a week. Even though I thought I'd started DBing I was even worse at it then than I am now if you can believe it. I would text / message WW in the morning and evening and occasionally on break sending the same sort of messages I have for years when I travel. "wish you were here" etc etc. When I got back WW was a wreck and said she had a horrible week. Being as my mind-reading has been on the fritz since well before BD I can't say why or if it had an impact on her attitude towards me for good or for bad.

Stay strong buddy.

[Raul]

Andrew,
I agree, OM, is just concern for his own needs. Same I would say about my WW.

Ever since my coworker made that comment, I have been honestly thinking of filing for divorce. For me, you do not pick OM over your daughters. Which I feel she did. Since the ones getting the backlash were them. They woke up and asked if mommy was here yet. And when I told them mommy is busy and will not be coming, they looked disappointed. Me too. I took my daughters late to school. My 6 year old has my thick curly hair, a little hard to brush. And she is also a diva...but i love both my daughters with all my heart.

Thanks for posting Andrew.

[cheesyt]

youtube ways to brush their hair.
you can do it.
She doesn't "need" to come over.

It sounds to me like YOU need some serious space to sort out your emotions and feelings.

[bigybiz]

Raul:

Don't file anything - you will regret it. Or take any other "formal" step. There are others here who have filed for D, or moved out, or etc, etc, out of anger, etc. Now, they regret it. The WW drags it out all the time, etc.

Let her take the steps. Distance yourself yes, but don't take any "formal" steps.

Also, don't threaten to do so and don't push her to do it either. That will backfire. That was one of my many mistakes.

[cheesyt]

Update:
Well my tears came out and I cried terribly hard...as if someone I loved so much died. I cried and pleaded with God to give me strength to get over this...to get over her. I cried why does it have to hurt so bad...why can't she love me back...why did you allow this happen to my family.

Its encouraging (maybe the wrong word here) to see a man admit this, can't tell you how many times I've been there too.

maybe this is part of His plan.

[Raul]

Raul:

Don't file anything - you will regret it. Or take any other "formal" step. There are others here who have filed for D, or moved out, or etc, etc, out of anger, etc. Now, they regret it. The WW drags it out all the time, etc.

Let her take the steps. Distance yourself yes, but don't take any "formal" steps.

Also, don't threaten to do so and don't push her to do it either. That will backfire. That was one of my many mistakes.

BigyBiz,
I know. But I feel like I am dangling on a string. She has not brought up divorce. We spent Sunday like a family, not one mention of it. Not to give myself high hopes, but she calmed down. Not sure if that is a good or a bad thing. If you don't mind me asking what backfired on you.

[Raul]

youtube ways to brush their hair.
you can do it.
She doesn't "need" to come over.

It sounds to me like YOU need some serious space to sort out your emotions and feelings.

Clearte,
My daughter has this thick, curly hair. And it's long. But you are right. YouTube has many videos. Fortunately, my sister has agreed to teach me on how to brush her hair. My 9 year brushes her own hair now.