Hello DBers, Been out of the loop here for a couple weeks - and there is good news to report. I want to change my 'topic' but not sure how to do that... Saw my H July 13 - was first time since end of May. At that meeting at a restaurant he gave me a hug hello and goodbye, had an ok talk, he was definitely still a bit guarded - and though talk overall was good, at end right before we left the restaurant he asked if I'd signed the D papers - which he'd sent June 15 - and lucky for me, there were no dates or deadlines etc. to respond. I told him simply- I am not ready, I need more time. And did not elaborate. He didn't press the issue thankfully.
Since then some good things have occurred - while I have still had many days of deep despair and emotional melt downs, I have kept my cool in all communications with him. Then, I've been combining techniques from DR and Mort Fertel Marriage fitness class I took - and left a couple voice mails that next week. BREAKTHROUGH- on Friday July 22 I called him about 7 pm and he ANSWERED the phone - for the first time since this all started. We had a lovely chat, a normal talk, as we have a ritual of watching the sunset it turned out he was in his new 'magic hour' spot and it was a normal talk as if we were watching sunset together - no drama, nothing about R etc. I asked about getting together for the weekend - and he said he'd let me know. He wasn't able to get together but did pick up a favorite food I requested at a store he went to 60 miles south of where we live. Then, he started sending me texts re - the election etc. SHARING as we usually talk about politics a bit - he loves to follow elections etc. He's planning a multi night backpacking trip and I decided to make some homemade energy bars for him. Trip delayed ... then last week - which was the 16 year anniversary of the week we met, he sent me more texts on election speeches etc at DNC. THEN - I called him again last Friday night - again we had a long 25 min! talk...just normal! about whatever...and again I asked about getting together - no pressure - as said I had something to give him before his trip. He texted me Sat night and invited me and our dog on a hike for Sunday! Miracle! I am amazed at how different I feel since April...we had a lovely time yesterday - I didn't feel needy, clingy, sad or stressed out - and just let him guide the conversations we did have at the river we hiked to - I focused on 'being' and just enjoying being together - to start creating new memories... More good news - since I was following DR advice, I never asked when he moved - if he was living alone or ? and of course had some hours of stress wondering if he moved in with someone etc. But really, would he be texting me articles from the NY Times on Sunday morning if he had a girlfriend! So turns out he has rented a room from an older couple and there is no girlfriend! This has removed an enormous amount of stress from just not KNOWING the facts. Glad I didn't spend too much time on that! And, I have a new part time job, been doing my Codependents Anonymous phone meetings, and even had a talk with my Dad on SAturday about borrowing some money to get me through all this. Oh, and my H did NOT mention those D papers yesterday! Perhaps he is starting to relax and realize being alone all the time isn't all it's cracked up to be? I am so happy with my progress or as Mort calls it 'moving the needle forward' Baby Steps as MWD talks about in DR. Thank you for all the support. and will try to get caught up on other posts from all of you nice people who have been so helpful since April. I am feeling bathing in a RAY of HOPE! Ciao!
