Awkward situation

[trumpet]

I like ancient warrior's post.

Personally, I'd tell her. I'd bust it open, and realize it's going to be a really choppy ride for a while. Like enormously bad. But the truth will expose the lies and deception, which will have to end sooner or later.

Her threats are a barking dog. Don't let the threat of D be a determinator of what your action should be. Do what is true and right, and realize you'll conscience will thank you later.

It is a tremendously awkward situation. I would understand you not saying anything yet.

The truth shall set you free. Keep posting.

[Natus]

You have received good advise Tate. Time to grow a pair or be a pussy in which case she will likely just leave you for her relationships anyway.

Can you live with such gross dis-respect from your wife? If my W did the same and threatened Divorce for telling me the truth i'd be like bring it Bi#tch!

[Natus]

* that shud have read for me telling the truth. Not telling me the truth.

[RSG]

Her response was that she will not stop either and that if I involve my sister she will divorce me in an instant. ...what to do now?...

That's just plain trashy. First things first, really sit down and think about what you want. There's no way something this weird isn't going to bust at the seams and create chaos all over the place whether you're the one to reveal it or not. Someone will get careless.

This has nothing to do with your choices, I'll respect them no matter what you choose. Were it me, I'd be done and just announce it myself. I simply could not abide such wanton disrespect and insane behavior. But, like I said, I don't have to live it. Don't act on impulse, but try not to be scared. Good luck to you!!!!

[Tate]

So, I accompanied my family out of town this weekend even though I didnt have time to. If it hasnt been clear, my wife travels out of town at least two weekends per month to visit relatives, often at the expense of keeping up at home. Historically, I would stay home many of thise weekends to get projects done. Not anymore. Im not letting her enjoy trips out of town while i toil away.

So, I realized the hardest thing about exposing my wife would be the effect on my kids. I simply cannot take them to see family as often as my wife. Im actually not concerned about my wifes threat of divorce. Her biggest fear is messing up our kids lives and the great place they are in. Exposing my wifes affair would have a huge impact on my kids, but divorcing me would only make everything worse for our kids. I doubt she would go through with it. Exposing her would alienate her from my entire family, her own very religious dad, and even my BILs family who would be mad at him.

The only thing keeping me from exposing my wife are my kids and I just cannot get myself to hurt them. Im really distressed over this situation to the point of losing sleep over it this week...

[Natus]

The only thing keeping me from exposing my wife are my kids and I just cannot get myself to hurt them. Im really distressed over this situation to the point of losing sleep over it this week...

I dont know. Its not going to get better you know, infact now that she knows she can get away with it and that you will kowtow to her i wouldnt be surprised if she takes it to another level with her outside relationships.

She doesnt respect you, your M or your kids. She just wants everything the way she wants it. I went through the same thing. You will be amazed at how these wayward spouses thinks.

Just to share, despite reading everyone elses threads, i believed my w was different. Boy was i wrong. She just hid it better, mine even acted wifey that i deluded myself into thinking we could be piecing. It took awhile for me to see through the smokescreen.

You have yet to see through the smokescreen, she will use everything. Thread of divorce, kid maybe, ruining your life maybe with false accusations, threats (which she is already doing now).

I feel for you cause i am/went through the same boat.

[sandi2]

So, I realized the hardest thing about exposing my wife would be the effect on my kids. I simply cannot take them to see family as often as my wife.

The only thing keeping me from exposing my wife are my kids and I just cannot get myself to hurt them. Im really distressed over this situation to the point of losing sleep over it this week...

So, are you saying that you will continue to tolerate this A, b/c otherwise, your kids won't get to see their cousins as often?

[Zephyr]

The only thing keeping me from exposing my wife are my kids and I just cannot get myself to hurt them. Im really distressed over this situation to the point of losing sleep over it this week...

which will hurt more, the truth of the situation or allowing your kids to grow up in a house where this behaviour is Condonable ....where they learn that it is ok for a marriage to be dishonored and it is ok for a woman to treat her husband like this?

our kids are smart and they pick up on this crap, better than we think. and this is exactly how they learn to forge their future relationships.

[Tate]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Even though it seems i am not taking your advice, i am listening and using everything you say to decide my future actions.

Natus, thanks for your responses. I am starting to see how deep my wife lies. You see, I have private emails and messages from her to my BIL with some information on her actions. I purposely ask her questions that I know the answers to to see if she will come clean. Of course she lies...

The trap I am trying to avoid is revenge. I do want our marriage to work, but part of me still wants to get back at her and make her life miserable for what she has done. It would be all too easy to do this. That is why I am agonizing over outing her to my sister...I cannot decide if that's just me wanting to make my wife pay at the expense of my kids and may sisters kids.

The other thing I take into account is that some people responding are on their way through a divorce...I'm not sure their advice is best for keeping my marriage intact.

[Tate]

And to the two responses that point out that leading by example is also very beneficial for my kids are absolutely correct. I can see that my wife's idea of living in a partnership void of affection comes from how her parents live...it's obvious that they are married only on paper.